Monday, December 28, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation

Yep, it is Monday again.  No matter our where we find ourselves God is at work in our lives. All we have to do is put yesterday, today, and tomorrow in his hands.  Rest in his love for He cares for us...
(photo found on Pinterest)

So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10
Happy Monday!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation....Joy!

The feeling of joy sometimes surrounds us and is palpable.  Other times joy can feel distance and elusive and impossible to find.  In those cases,  I think we need to look for it.  We need to ask God to help us find it.

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
   Chuck Swindoll
(Joy in friendships)

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" 
1 Peter 1:8
(Cooking with Caleb brings joy and excitement and a crazed sugar high:-)

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."
Psalm 30:5
(Brodie brings me joy:-)

"and be not sad: for the joy of the Lord is our strength. "
Nehemiah 8:10

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, 
which is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:10-11
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Monday, December 14, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation The Paths Become Straight

I think we all have something in our life that has made our path difficult to navigate.  It could be something of our own choosing that has gotten us into deep water or something done to us such violence or in my case divorce or just the circumstances of life of which the list is endless. 

I am so glad we can count on God to walk beside us.  If we reach out to Him I believe He will help us down our path and will make the crooked path straight.
Thank You God

Friday, December 11, 2015

Juggling Christmas With Divorced Parents by Elisabeth Joy LaMotte on the Huff Post

When you are divorced or going through a divorce there are many events that should have been wonderful family times that are now complicated and divisive.  Awful what one person's decisions can do to a family.  I would never have made this decision for my family unless there was abuse or adultery.  I later found out, through the legal discovery phase, it should have been me walking out.
I remember thinking when he left "What is this going to do to my daughters, and  my grandson?"  There was little regard for them in this decision.  I found this article on Huff Post. Anyone who says adult children are not affected by divorce have their head in the sand.

Elisabeth Joy LaMotte
Below are 3 of her quotes...

"Navigating the holiday season with divorced parents is somewhat like walking a tightrope"

"People with divorced parents spend countless holidays practicing this precarious act. Sadly, many continue to experience tremendous tension and anxiety related to the holidays and the logistical challenges associated with their parents' divorce."
"Even for adults who know that their parents' divorce was necessary, having divorced parents can be incredibly painful, especially around the holidays" 
Now for Kathiey's thoughts on the issue....
I can't stop the pain that has been caused, but I can do my best to ease it.  When they come to me not knowing how to handle the holidays I just say I leave it up to you.  Whatever makes you most comfortable.  
Traditions from the past need to be discarded and new ones have to be developed.  I am working on that.  
Enjoy your holiday.  Enjoy your family.  No, it is not what it used to be and no, it may not be how it is supposed to be.  But it is what it is and we must move on.  Develop your own new traditions. I will slowly add new ones.  This year I am hosting a cookie baking party with my family. We are also going to attempt to build a Ginger Bread House.  Fun times.
Merry Christmas & God Bless

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation...When God Closes a Door He Opens a Window

I love unique doors.  While I was touring the Great Western Winery in NY, I took photos of several.  Here are my photos of doors plus a few door quotes I found online.

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
Milton Berle
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free 
and realizing you were the prisoner!”

Max Lucado

Alexander Graham Bell

"You have to think there's a reason for everything. 
When a door closes another door opens."
Chris Daughtry

"When God closes one door He always opens another or at least a window."
Woodrow Kroll
Happy Monday Everyone!

Thursday, November 26, 2015

"What's Cooking" a Thanksgiving Movie

Thanksgiving has changed for me over the last couple of years.  We no longer have the traditional family unit.  This was not my decision to divide our family but "his". This year I will host Thanksgiving on Friday.  That is fine with me because I have all day Thursday to get ready. 

I decided today I would watch a couple of Thanksgiving movies, cook and do a bit of cleaning. I will take  Brodie for a walk to show him I am thankful that he is with me.
The frist movie I decided to watch was "What's Cooking"
"On Thanksgiving day, four ethnically diverse families -- VietnameseLatinoJewish, and African -American — gather for the traditional meal. Each family has its own distinct way of cooking the traditional holiday meal and its own set of problems."
 The focus is on four different families.  All with their own set of joys and problems.  You get a glimpse into their lives over the Thanksgiving holiday.
So what did they have to eat? A wide range.  The typical turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, corn, mushrooms, polenta for the vegetarian, rolls, ham, leeks, salad, tortillas, rice, shrimp eggrolls, and Asian veggies. From fresh cranberry sauce to the dreaded solid canned sauce, (which I no longer serve because the only one that liked it was X and he walked out).
For dessert, pumpkin pie, apple pie, con leche.  Wine and beer were also served.
Oh, the problems they did have.  A boy with a gun, husbands having affairs
(I can relate to that one), a burnt turkey, polar opposite political views, and the list goes on.
In the end though the families came together as a family unit should.  Only one was left on his own and that was the one of the "men" that cheated on his wife. As it should be, it was his decision. The other cheater was trying to make things right.
My Thanksgiving Dinner...Yummy ham, cheese and tomato sandwich.  Tomorrow will be turkey day.

I found this photo on Huff Post Divorce

I am having turkey and that description fits.  I would also like to watch a movie and have some salty buttery popcorn.  That too would fit as far as the relaxed part:-)  How about you?

 What did you have for your Thanksgiving Dinner?  Tomorrow I will be having.....
Turkey and Stuffing
Mashed potatoes and Gravy
Mac and Cheese,
Green Beans
Sweet Potato Cake
Iced Tea
Milk for Caleb
I like this quote from the movie "It's Thanksgiving, we'll get through this".

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
There is always something to be thankful for!

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Views From the Other Woman

I have been talking a lot lately with my new friend.   He is the husband of one of the women the PI found my husband with.  He is the husband of Gina.
One thing my Mom taught me was never to cheat.  She would say, "Don't go out with your friends husbands or any married man".  She would tell me "if a man cheats on someone he is involved with he will cheat on you too".  I have found that to be the case in many stories I have heard.  I learned from the PI I hired that my X was seeing two women in the short time period we watched him.  He was smooching in the parking lot with Suzette, to quote the PI, they were staring into each her eyes, kissing passionately, and X was rubbing her buttocks.  Just a few days later he was spending the night in his apartment with Gina.
I guess we all wonder how a man or a woman can live with the lies of cheating.  How they justify the ugliness they produce in peoples lives for their own selfish wants and needs. I came across an article in Huff Post, the divorce section.  

           I Was The Other Woman And It Changed My Life (For The Better)

Here are some quotes from the article
"I do not condone cheating and it is not something I am proud of. It is a terrible thing for everyone involved. But sadly yes, at one point in my life I was the other woman."

"He connected with me on so many levels, something no one had ever done before. The feeling of being loved the same way in return was exhilarating and to me, felt pure and true."

"What mattered to me at the time was I had truly thought I found someone who connected with me emotionally and wanted to build a life with me." 

 "I am a smart woman, but looking back I was stupid and so na├»ve. I'd even go as far as to say vulnerable and weak. I was thinking solely with my heart, and my brain followed suit."

"So, let me get to the point. In a 12 month period, I experienced a lot of s...t,  I had an affair, I divorced my husband, I got dumped, I moved, I started over. Alone."
"Being the Other Woman was immoral and so f....king stupid. Love does not conquer all. But I've grown to realize even average women like me can fall. We all want to feel loved, appreciated, wanted and needed. Not all women who get wrapped up in affairs are heartless, slutty b..., hunting for unavailable men. Sometimes, s... happens. It is up to us to decide where to go from there."
Now for My Opinion
Interesting quotes from the experienced "other woman".  I must say I hold no respect for someone who cares so little for the family unit.  No respect for someone that puts themselves above others regardless of the consequences.  To me, it is pure and simple selfishness. I have no respect for people that think they are above any  God given or moral laws.  (I feel that way about any cheater,  my X included)  I do have respect for the woman that wrote the article.  Yes, what she did was awful.  Yes, she and her affair partner hurt many people including their children.  Yes, they put their needs above all involved.  But, I do respect her for coming clean and trying to live a moral life.   
Prayers and hugs to all going through the awfulness of infidelity and divorce.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation Choose Your Path

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,"
Joshua 1:9
Sometimes where we find ourselves is not the most pleasant of places.  Sometimes we did not decide to be in this place but it was dictated by someone else.  Regardless of our situation we can rest assured that, as Christians, God is with us.  Maybe where we find ourselves was not our chosen path but we can choose how we react to it.  We can attempt to make a new path knowing that God is "with us wherever we go".  What a blessing!

I like a quote by Kristin Armstrong in regard to choosing our path...
"This choice not only affects you, but it can shape the legacy 
you leave for your children and grandchildren."

Our choices affect everyone.  With God's help, I pray I make the right ones. 
Happy Monday Everyone!
Enjoy Your World

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Friday, November 6, 2015

Thoughts from "The Boston Girl" Becoming my own person

"How did I get to be the woman I am today?"  It started in that library, in the reading club.  
That is where I started to be my own person.
The Boston Girl

As I was reading "The Boston Girl" I came across the quote above.  I started to think about what made me the woman I am today.  Oh, so many things.

My childhood.  I loved my parents and realize they loved me too.  Probably more than anyone else ever has or ever will love me.  Yes, they had problems and I am sure those problems affected me and my choices.  In all of their problems and life choices, I think they did the best they could and would have always wanted the best for me. They would have never intentionally hurt me.

My Man. (or as a new friend calls him The Guy, who had an affair with his wife) My decision to marry a man that was full of promises.  He was going to rescue me from my home situation.  I remember standing in a field, the property he said his Dad was going to give him.  We would build a home there and he would be a pastor and seek to help others. I was crying and he said that he would always love me and care for me and never make me cry. Yes, I believed his empty promises and I did marry him. I stand here today after 37 years of marriage an abandoned middle-aged woman. This person has made me cry more than anyone else in my lifetime.

My Faith.  My faith is my rock. It gets me through everything,  the good the bad and the ugly.  You notice I did not say my church.  I don't have one.  I served in the church where my husband was the pastor for nearly 20 years.  I spoke to a man whose wife, he said,  had an affair with my X nearly the entire time X pastored there.  Betrayed by the pastor, my husband, and my friend. I have, like many, been damaged by the church, not by God, there is a difference.  Again you notice I did not say the church.  God is my rock, my protector, my strength and my hope.
(I would love to be part of a church again.  I know this is a need but I think I am still in recovery)

I guess I would say these 3 things have had the greatest influence on my life.  I hold on tight to God in this sometimes scary adventure we call life.  I continue to find myself in spite of the negative elements and because of the positive.  I have new hopes and dreams and I am beginning to redefine my life.  Thank you to my God and my friends for helping me along this path.

So how did I get to be the woman I am today?  
When did I begin to become my own person?
It started in a field in Delaware and has become so much more. 
Happy Reading

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

The Journey....Hiring a Handyman

Ok, so now I find myself in a home with a yard and bunch of repairs and no "man" to help.  What to do.  If I come across a job I usually google the solution and see if there is any way I can do it myself. If not I know I need to ask for help.  My daughter has given me the contact info for a local handyman she has gotten positive feedback on his work so I think I will give him a call.
I found an article in the Readers Digest..."13 Things a Handyman Won't Tell You", I will share a few...

-Before you call me about your  clogged sink or shower try a plunger or Zip-It drain cleaning tool-

 I do have a few clogged drains in my home.  
I am headed over to amazon now to see if I can find this tool.
Found it.  I am going to order it and see how well it works.  I will let you know:-)
-Get your home inspected once a year-

I guess that would help in catching problems early and thus save you money in the long run.  I have never had it inspected.  Something to think about

-On a budget?  Ask if there is any way you can help out in exchange for a lower price.-

They suggest things like picking up supplies, cleaning up after the job or just helping out in general

-Do something with the dog.-
The suggestion is to get the dog out of the house completely while the handyman is at work.  I guess they don't want to hear a barking dog all day.  Makes sense to me.
I will be contacting the Handyman today. 
If you are in my boat with no help around the house try to find a handyman.  Ask around and find one through word of mouth.  I think that is the best way to find a good one.
Take care of yourself.  
We can do this!

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Huff Post Reading "7 Ways To Embrace Being On Your Own After Divorce"

I was doing a bit of reading from the Huff post, the divorce section.  I came across this article, "7 Ways To Embrace Being On Your Own After Divorce"  I like to try to apply at least part of my readings to my life so let's take a look and see how they apply to me now over 2 years since my X walked out.  My comments on her suggestions are in italics...I will choose 3...

Define who you are outside of marriage
In marriage, I would have to describe myself as a lady in "waiting".  Waiting to live my life.  Waiting on my husband.  Waiting for promises to be kept.  Waiting while he pursued his dreams and goals so that I could eventually work on my own.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  Now I would have to say I am doing.  I go out with friends, I plan trips, I am working on my blogs and no longer get made fun of for it.  I am doing my best to find myself and it feels good.

Get healthy. (And note that "healthy" doesn't mean losing a ton of weight.) 
     I need to do a better job with this one.  I am doing Zumba 2-3 times a week, but I need to add to my routine with weights and maybe yoga.
Halloween Zumba Party 2015
Take a solo trip. 
I have already done this and I hope to do much more.  My dream has always been to travel.  Local or far away, it does not matter.  I recently took a trip with the Road Scholars.  I drove 12 hours to get to my destination in the Finger Lake region of NY.  What a blast.  Met amazing people from all over, learned about the area from our guide and other speakers, and explored.  I loved it.  I can't wait to go on my next adventure.  I also began travel blogging.  This is becoming my passion.

Watkins Glenn Gorge 2015
Follow the link to Huff Post.  Check out the article and let me know what 3 apply to you.
I know it is a daily battle but hold on and keep moving.
God Bless!

Friday, October 30, 2015

Media Musings-Movies Philomena

I have had this movie on my to-watch list for some time now.  One of our patients mentioned what a great movie it was which motivated me to follow through and watch the movie.  I had no idea it was based on a true story.
The story is about an elderly woman who is searching for her son.  When she was a young woman in the 1950's in Ireland she became pregnant out of wedlock.  The church and the people of that time did not support a woman in this situation...they would condemn them. (My question is what about the guy?  Why does he get off scot-free? ) Philomena was disowned by her father and sent to work for an order of nuns in a convent and forced to labor in the Magdalene Laundries. 

Many of the young pregnant girls sent to the convent died in childbirth along with their babies.  Many lost their babies to forced adoptions.  These young girls/woman had no control, they were like slaves with no rights.  This is Philomena's attempt to find her son with the assistance of a BBC correspondent who became aware of her story.

It is sad to me when those who represent the church do not abide by the beliefs on which the church was founded things such as grace, truth, empathy, honesty, love, compassion. Abuse can be seen in church history throughout all time and is still seen today both institutionally and individually. When you think back you can easily see this abuse during the Crusades for instance. The KKK used religion as an excuse to abuse innocent people. The list, I am sure goes on and on. It is probably seen in all religions.

I have talked to many hurt by the harsh treatment they have received from people in the church.  I too have been on the receiving end of negative words by leaders in the church. Words that have brought me to tears. 

(One example would be my husband who was a pastor for nearly 20 years. He abandoned me after 37 years of marriage.  Breaking his vow, not only to me but to God,  as though it meant nothing. He did the opposite of his teachings, including dating married women plus other things that he would have heavily condemned from the pulpit. He was not who he seemed)

Many would say.  Don't you question God?  Why would God allow this to happen?  I don't know why God allows things to happen and yes I do ask him why sometimes.  My guess would be because He gave us free will. 

I need God in my life.  I need his teachings.  They have and continue to help me through difficulties in my life.  I trust God.  Do I trust the church?  Not really.  It is made up of people, some good, some not so good.  One person I know described the church as a hospital with many patients. Am I attending a church now?  No, but I know I need to and I will keep looking. 

I remember learning many years ago that we should not judge God based on those who claimed to be Christians.  My first lesson in that regard was when the Pastor, my father-in-law, was found to be cheating on his wife.  Sound familiar?  Like father like son? Came as a huge shock and disappointment to me as a young Christian.   My father who was a member of this little church actually left the church because of it.  He blamed God for this indiscretion.  He later began watching TV evangelists in his quest for God.  He donated money and then found out this pastor was cheating on his wife too.  Not a good example.  Not a legacy you want to leave behind.  My dad was able to reconnect with God, but it was not through the church.

So what does Philomena have to say about her faith even in the midsts of such abuse of power in her life?

"The story it tells has resonated with people not because it’s some mockery of ideas or institutions that they’re in disagreement with. This is not a rally cry against the church or politics. In fact, despite some of the troubles that befell me as a young girl, I have always maintained a very strong hold on my faith."

Thanks for standing strong in your faith Philomena.
Yours is a legacy to be proud of.
I suggest if you have not watched Philomena or read the book, you should do so.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Lets do something fun.....Movies- Ghost Town Review

"Only a life lived for others is worth living"
Albert Einstein

I have to admit this is one of my favorite movies.  Yes, it is about ghosts but so much more.
It starts off with the story of a rude, antisocial dentist.  Such an unhappy man.  He seems to have no hope, no purpose, just getting by in life with zero joy.  During a routine hospital procedure he dies.  They bring him back after seven minutes and he seems fine only now he can see dead people.  He sees all the folks that have died and have unfinished business here on earth and thus can't move on.  When they notice Dr. Pincus can see them the push is on to get him to help them on their pursuit to tie up their loose ends

Then of course you have Frank, he is so cute but what a jerk. He is a successful man in business but not in his personal life.  He is a liar, an adulterer, a narcissist, yes a jerk. He has no problem denying and justifying the pain he causes others.  (Personal note: Wait, I know someone like that.)

Gwen was Frank's wife.  Devastated by the pain caused by her husband.  She summed him up with the term..."Disloyal" (Personal note: Wait I know someone like that.) 
 I like her quote 
                                   "We get the one life....what happens matters"

My favorite character is Dr. Prashar.  He is kind and caring. He teaches Dr. Pincus that there is a better way to live his life, caring for and helping others.

I will leave you wondering:
Does Dr. Pincus change?
Does Frank Move on?
Does anyone fall in love?
Gotta watch the movie to find out:-)
Great movie.
I suggest you watch it.  It is a fun flick.
If you watch it let me know what you think.
I will give it a 9.5/10 on my movie enjoyment scale.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Be Free!

I like this quote I found online in regard to being a survivor of a narcissist...
"The abuse doesn't happen because the victims volunteer for it. 
The abuse happens because the abusers lie, manipulate and speak 
in mixed messages. And out of love and a sense of fairness we 
trust them." Narcissism Book of Quotes
(Be Free:-)


Monday, October 12, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation..He Comes Alongside Us:-)

On Sunday morning, I like to sit down indian style on the couch with my computer in my lap and a cup of coffee in my hand and listen to an online sermon.  This week I decided to listen to a sermon on the Summit Church website.  The scripture for the sermon was found in John 14.  I could easily choose scripture for my life (The Beginning, The Journey, The Joy),  in those words.  

The Beginning
(of the pain/trauma)
"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you"
John 14:18
At the beginning of my trauma I guess you could say I felt like an orphan.  The person that swore to love me forever just left.  Leaving me shocked and in a state of despair.  
What a blessing to know that God will not leave us alone in our situation but will come to us.  Remember he is with you no matter what you are going through.

The Journey
"And I will ask the Father and he will give you another counselor to be with you forever"
John 14:16
In the sermon, the counselor is described in many ways.  He inspires us, manifest God's love to us, stands beside us, comes alongside us, directs us to the cross, cries out for us, and empowers us.
These are all things that help us endure difficult times and keep us on the proper path. 

The Joy
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.....
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27
As I walk my new path in life I am finding joy.  I love to spend time with my family and friends.  There is so much I enjoy in this life.  Sometimes I do get fearful and that is when I return to God's word and remind myself that I should not be troubled or afraid because He comes alongside me and helps me always.
Remember He is with you.
Happy Monday!

Monday, September 21, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation..."Stop and Consider God's Wonders"

"Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God's wonders."
Job 37:14
Watkins Glenn, NY
I know all too well that it is not always easy to "stop" and take notice of the beauty of God's creation that is all around us.  Life and its difficulties (divorce, abandonment, illness, abuse, death, and the list goes on and on),  tend to blind us to all the large and small details of creation, but they are still there.  I challenge both you and I today to take a deep breath, look around, and take notice of "God's Wonders" and be thankful:-)
Happy Monday Everyone!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

All Secrets will be Brought to the Light.....

Have you ever read a story where a person lived with someone for years and never knew who they really were or what they were up to?  Have you ever heard people say "she had to have known she lived with him for decades"?  Well, I am here to tell you that you can live with someone for decades and not truly understand who they are.  You think you do, you hope you do, but you just don't.  If you are in that boat don't judge yourself for being trusting.
Many know my story.  Some I don't have the heart to tell because of the pain it would cause them.  I wish people with hidden lives would come clean, examine their life and motives, turn everything over to God and ask for forgiveness.  I do believe that we all will be held accountable for our lives and decisions.  No one is exempt.  Not even those who believe they are above judgement.  Not one of us is perfect and we need to ask for help and forgiveness daily.

If I am asked to tell my story I will tell it.  But for now...

"Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"
Psalm 27:14

...knowing that...

"For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is 
concealed will be brought to light and made known to all."
Luke 8:17


Monday, August 31, 2015

Monday Morning Motivation....Be of Good Courage.

It is hard to understand the pain of any situation unless you experience it yourself.  Sometimes I don't understand the depth of my own pain.  It seems whenever I listen to a sermon that has to do with severe life circumstances divorce is always mentioned.  The sermon I listened to this week included a quote that grouped cancer and divorce in the same sentence. How are we supposed to survive these awful things you ask?
"Where others fail you God never will.  He is the one rock you can build your life on"
Pastor at The Summit Church

                 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart 
Psalm 27:

It's Monday.  No matter your life situation, be it good or bad, get out of bed, spend time with God, then hold your head up high and face the day.  Remember God walks beside you.
God Bless & Happy Monday