Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation….Choose Hope

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and 
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

While watching TV this week I heard several quotes that stood out to me which I could use in my life situation.  
This one I liked from Sleepy Hollow
"You see what you have now and you embrace what is in front of you"
Good advice Sleepy Hollow.  If you don't embrace what is in front of you, good or bad, your only other choice would be to give up. Although that can be an option, it is not the best option.

I really liked this one from Survivor
"Morality and ethical issues are going to bite you in the ass in the end."
Well said Survivor.  True?  I don't know.  Maybe not in this world. I do believe there are consequences to our actions.  That is kinda how I see the verse in the bible in relation to the sins of the father.  Our choices effect everyone.

My favorite TV quote this week, because it calls us to hope, is one from Once Upon a Time
"We had such plans.  This curse has destroyed every dream our family ever had……Life is full of twists and turns you never see coming.  This is just a turn.  The future we imagined is gone but that does not mean we couldn't find another one….an unexpected one.  I choose hope. 
Our lives will get better if we just hold unto hope"
My Scripture for the week is Jeremiah 29:19.  I will do my best to hang unto hope.
Happy Monday Everyone!
Enjoy Your World.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation

Monday Morning Motivation....Baptism

I remember being baptized when I was 18.  There was a large group of us in a field by a local pond.  We all lined up and we were immersed into the cool pond water.  I remember it being an amazing experience.  I was giving myself over to God.
Here we are many years later.  Over those years there has been great joy, lots of mistakes and hopefully learning from each of them, the pain of illness and death, the birth of two beautiful girls, the gift of Caleb my grand baby. And now the pain of an unwanted separation and pending divorce, which is like death but with intent.  But, now also, the gift of friends and the increasing knowledge of Gods love for all of us.
Yesterday I went to Cross Pointe Church.  I went by myself but was greeted by many folks around me that were very friendly and welcoming.  I enjoyed the music and the sermon.  I had noticed a large, what I would call, water trough on stage.  I assumed it was some type of sermon prop.  As I listened to Steve preach I forgot about the trough.
The service seemed to be coming to an end.  Little did I know it was not the end, it was kinda like the beginning.  We were invited to come up for baptism. I wanted to go but all these excuses came to my mind.
Your mascara will run.
You don't need to do this you have already been baptized.
You are not doing this for the right theological reasons.
You will ruin your clothes.
Do you really want to go up in front of all these people?  
This is totally outside of your comfort zone, you can always do it later if you must.
As this was running through my head I slipped off my shoes and joined the line of folks going on stage to be baptized.  
Yes my mascara did run, but that really didn't matter.
Yes I had already been baptized, but that really didn't matter.
No I did not know if I was theologically correct, but that really didn't matter.
Probably did ruin my sweater, but that really didn't matter.
I did have to go in front of many hundred people, but that really didn't matter.
I did step out of my comfort zone, but that really didn't matter.

Here is what mattered.....That it was my way of thanking God for being with me and sustaining me in this difficult time I find myself. It was a recommitment to God.  It was giving him my situation, it was giving him thanks, it was giving him my trust and confidence, and it was giving him "me".
Enjoy Your World:-)

Monday, September 9, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation....Enjoying the beauty that surrounds us....

I have learned during my nightmare that my feelings are typical of those that feel abandoned. All your hopes dreams and joy are just swept away as though you are nothing.  It still amazes me the reaction of those that have been through this when they learn of my situation.  It is as though my pain reminds them of the pain they had felt in their nightmare even if it has been decades since it happened to them.  I have seen people gasp and put their hands to their heart.  I have seen people break down and cry for me, people I really don't know very well, but they remember the intense pain.  I have been hugged tightly and for long periods of time by folks that seemed to want to take away this pain.
I continue to look to God and to search for joy in my pain as I did when my family died.  I do see it.  I see it in nature.  I see it in the support of so many friends.  I see it in Caleb, who makes me smile:-)
I got out this weekend.  I had lunch with an old friend on Friday. Great time. Thanks Dave:-)
I talked to friends on the phone and by text.  Thanks guys:-)
Brodie and I went on a 7 mile hike with Melissa and her dog Daisy.  Thanks Melissa:-) Sorry I cried.
Caleb and I spent all day Sunday together.  We went to church.  We watched movies.  We ate ice cream. We went on a hike.  Every time a cyclist would go by we would stop and wave. We collected leaves. We read books. We drove around and looked at cows and horses.  Caleb gives great hugs.  I find joy in this wonderful innocent little child:-)

"Don't be afraid for I am with you.  do not be dismayed for I am your God.  
I will strengthen you, I will help you.  I will uphold you with my victorious right hand"  
Isaiah 41:10
If you are going through a bad time as I am.  Please reach out to people and don't forget God loves you more then we can understand.

Friday, August 23, 2013

"I Will Rise" by Shawn McDonald

Have you ever gone through something that rocks your world?  Something that you just can't handle on your own?  That is what is happening to me now.  I find that getting out of bed in the morning is the most difficult part of my day.  Sometimes I just want to pull the blankets over my head and hide.  With the help of my faith and my friends I have been able to get up each morning and face the day. This morning I was listening to a song that I hope will be true in my life.  Here the lyrics that touched me this morning.....
"Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
And love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes, I will rise out of these ashes , rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise

Cause He , who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise, yes, He, who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be and I will rise"

Monday, August 19, 2013

A Day on the Lake with Amber. Trying new things...Paddle Boarding in the midsts of my pain....

I am so thankful for friends.  There are three things that have kept me grounded, probably saved me from myself and in essence probably saved my life, as I have endured this unexpected and unwanted storm in my life.  Those things are God, prayer and so many friends.  Friends I did not even know I had have stepped up and prayed for me and supported me.  My neighbors have become my friends. Because of God, friends, and prayers I am able to make it through the day.  Because of God, prayers, and my friends I am now strong enough to pray for them and others.  Just receiving a message of support on Facebook or on my phone, an e-mail or phone call mean so much.  I have gotten cards and gifts and hugs. These, literally, get me through the day and make me thankful. 
Nearly every invitation I receive I accept because I am trying to recapture joy in my life.  I had gotten an invitation from Amber to go paddle boarding and kayaking with her this past Monday.  I said yes!  What a wonderful day.....
The beautiful lake...

Amber gave me some instruction and I must admit I was a bit apprehensive but she is such a good teacher I was ready to give it a shot.  I spent some time on my knees...
 It was fun on my knees.  It felt level and secure, like I wish life was.  I was about ready to say "your turn Amber".  Something inside me said "no!".  "You are here now and you need to stand up."  It went through my mind that it is a bit like my life.  Unstable.  Hundreds of changes that I would like to run away from rather then "stand up" and face. I took a deep breath and stood up.  I heard Amber in the background saying "breath Kathy", kinda like God "I got your back Kathy".  I did it!  I was able to stand up and paddle around and it felt good. 
 Amber gave me the option of heading out on the lake but I decided I had stood up and had paddled a bit and now I was ready for the kayak.  She got the kayak all set up and I went off alone to explore the lake.  So peaceful.  The sun was shinning, and the sky deep blue with puffy white clouds. There were dragon flies (which Amber told me mean "new life"), and hundreds of butterflies.  I closed my eyes and  prayed.  I said the familiar scripture that I lean on The Lords Prayer and Psalm 23.  I thanked God for his beautiful creation.

I spend a lot of time enjoying the lake and the beauty that was all around me.  Then Amber and I came together.  We paddled and talked.  We shared.

Thank you for teaching me how to paddle board Amber.  But most of all thank you for sharing your time with me.  Thank you God for Friends:-)
Get out and try something new, even if you are in emotional pain as I am.  I suggest paddle boarding.  (I did learn it is easier for short people like me.  I am about 5'3".  
Finally something for we petite folks:-)
Enjoy Your World!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Forcing Myself Out....Falls Lake

Who would have thought after 37 years of marriage I would have found myself here, now separated and working my way into an unwanted and unnecessary divorce.  I guess it takes two.  I decided I would join a local divorce and separation support group with the hopes of both support and diversion.  I think I have found both in this group.  Nice people and a range of activities from camping, biking and running to days at the lake and many things in between.  Several weeks ago we went to a local church for a comedy show.  I was only about a month into this mess at the time, and in too much pain to really have fun, but it was nice to get out.
Last week I went with them to Falls Lake for a picnic.  I have lived here all these years and have never been.  It was lovely.
I spent some time sitting out on this dock by myself in thought and prayer.  My attempt at healing.

The lake was really nice.  Someone described the lake as finger lakes..

Sixty people came out for this event and they brought all kinds of food.  We had salads, several types of meats on the grill, desserts, watermelon.  It was a feast.  If you know me I love to try new recipes and just enjoy cooking in general.  I have done very little of this since my nightmare began.  It was an effort just to get out of bed on the day of the picnic.  I forced myself to get up, run by the little store down the street, and pick up a couple of large bottles of Coke.  This is not my norm.  I cook very little now and have very little in my fridge.  Hopefully I can come back to the enjoyment of cooking but not yet.  Lucky for the group there were many who brought some delicious food.
It was an overcast day and not many folks at the lake so we ended up with a nice shelter with a couple of charcoal grills...

Many highlights at the gathering today.  Very nice people, great location and food, and who would have guessed I would get to ride in a Model T.

I am very thankful for this group.  It is nice to meet folks in all stages of this process that are trying to grab all the enjoyment they can out of life even in a less than ideal situation.  It was a fun, light day with new friends.
If you are in the same boat as me I suggest you try to find a support type group.  I found this group through Meetup.com.
Get out and explore.
Enjoy Your World

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation...Give Thanks

I am reading a book that a very sweet and caring person gave me.  She knew I was going through a crisis in my life and so she gave me a book that she thought would give me comfort.  It is called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  It kinda reminds me, on a much grander scale, of the way I have always tried to live my life, seeking beauty in the midst of pain.  The chapter I read the other night was on giving thanks in all things through Communion, as Christ did before his death. 

Suddenly I had a strong urge to take Communion.  I don't know that I can thank God for this situation but I can give Him this situation.  I was hoping to take Communion at an area Methodist Church on Saturday but I was not able to attend.  So I thought to myself, that's OK,  I can take Communion next week.
Caleb spent the night with me last night.  He is a wonderful diversion from the pain.  We played, we ran, we spun in circles, we ate ice cream.  As I was putting him to bed he kissed me and told me he loved me and I did the same to him. 

Got up Sunday morning and went to church.  The pastor spoke of a Greek word "Iupeo" which means stressed, grieved, deeply distressed.  I guess I now fit in that category. I am in a horrible amount of emotional pain. This church is a large church,  I really don't know many folks, but I always come away with something to hold onto.  Today it was Communion.  They did not offer it in the service but as I was leaving I saw a door in the very back of the room that I had never noticed before, on it was written "Communion".  I hesitated and then decided maybe this was my gift for the day.  I went in.  There were two tables each with small candles, a small cross plus the wine and the bread.  There were several chairs and probably about ten people silently praying. It was a peaceful place. I did not stay very long but I took the bread and the wine and gave thanks to God.  Not so much for this mess that is thrust upon me but for His love.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation..."Praying through Our Tears from GuidePosts Magazine

Another rough week.  I have learned that my situation can throw you into depression and that is what has seemed to have happened to me.  I have had sorrow, I have sadness, I have had disappointment, but depression is an entirely different creature.  Gives me a respect for those living with this awful illness.  I never realized an acute event could produce it. (I did go to the Dr).
Anyway....I was reading GuidePosts Magazine online and came across a quote from Julia Attaway that seemed to fit me...

"I’ve had a week straight out of Romans 8:26: “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” There are times the heart hurts so much it is mute. 
Even so, I can still offer God what I have: my tears.
I can ask him to use my tears to water the seed of my faith, so that I grow closer to Christ instead of drawing away.I can ask him to use my tears for good: to wash away someone else’s suffering.I can ask him to unite my tears to those that Jesus cried (John 11:25), to make me more like him.And finally, when suffering silences me, I can trust that the Lord will ask others to pray for me and my family and all who are hurting."     Amen Julia!
Seeing beauty through the pain and tears....My weekend with my beloved.....

Enjoy Your World.  If you are in the same boat as me just take baby steps.  One foot in front of the other and try to lean on God.