I am motivated by music. In the beginning of my trauma I could only listen to Christian music. It helped me through each moment. It gave and continues to give me hope and motivation. The song that is motivating me this week is by Nicole Nordeman.."The Unmaking". Her lyrics will be in italics...
"This is where the walls gave way
This is demolition day
All the debris, and all this dust
What is left of what once was
Sorting through what goes and what should stay."
My wall gave way when I found the letter that my husband had filed for legal separation after decades of marriage. Yes, there was debris and dust and there still is. I will be sorting through this debris probably the rest of my life.
"What happens now
When all I’ve made is torn down
What happens next
When all of You, is all that’s left."
What does happen next? All that you dreamed and planned has been thrown away. It was devastating in the beginning. You feel entirely alone and don't know where to turn. I have found that is when it is best to give it to God. That is the place where you learn to trust God, in the darkness.
This is the unmaking The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself To find out who You are
Before each beginning There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble I can see the stars
This is the unmaking
The joy comes in finding myself and finding that God is always with me/us. I did search for beauty in the rubble. She saw stars and I saw flowers:-)
"I’ll gather the same stones where
Everything came crashing down
I’ll build You an altar there
On the same ground."
I am still working on that but it is coming together. My hope is that I can build an alter by letting others out there in the same boat know that they are not alone. If in fact that is what God has planned for me. Totally up to Him, but I will work in that direction until he points me in another. Following his path does bring Joy.
God Bless and Happy Monday