Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Divorce...Beauty in the Pain

Blast from the past.  I wrote this Sunday, July 7, 2013.

Living with this new emotional pain, I have to keep busy.  So, Caleb and I went to two church services this week. I was seeking any strength and or wisdom I could find in God through the messages.
At the first church, AUMC Saturday night service, the pastor spoke of faith and in that faith assurance. She talked about trust and that in uncertainty all we have is our trust in God through faith.  That when we feel rising anxiety (I feel it 24 hours a day) and when we feel desperation (which I do) that we need to remember that we are Gods. That he never lets us go, even when we can’t feel him beside us.
At CrossPointe today the sermon was specifically focused on what I am going through, divorce.  I learned that this, I will call it an unnecessary pain, impacts everyone.  The Pastor described it as gut-wrenching and excruciating.  I agree with these descriptions, and I will add one, soul shattering. It leaves scars on every aspect of life and will have ripple effects that will damage everyone.  For the damage to my family, I am sorry. I wish I could change this situation for myself, and for them.  Since I am not in control, I need to find the strength to give it to God….and to trust Him with the fallout.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you
Psalm 33:22
Still trying to find beauty in the pain…
Remember God’s Promise.
“I will never leave you or forsake you”
Thanks you God!
KathieyV

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Ways to De-Stress..."Peel an Orange"...Aromatherapy

Ok folks, it's time to de-stress.  Those of us going through divorce seem to be a reservoir for stress.  I never had any issues of unhealthy anxiety or depression until I was blindsided with marital separation after decades of marriage. On one stress index scale, that I found, divorce rates the second highest stressor with the death of a spouse first.  I don't know if I agree with that, because it is like a death. 
"Divorce is like a death but with intent"

Time to De-Stress

Let's refer to the article I found on Huff Post "100 Ways to De-stress".  We have completed #1 Chocolate Meditation.  That one was enjoyable, as is anything to do with chocolate.  Then we moved on to #2 which is extremely beneficial, Journaling.

Moving on to #3...
"Peel an orange. Studies show the smell of citrus can help reduce stress"

Photo from Psychmind.com
I don't have an orange, but I believe that that are many scents that can enhance our mood and thus decrease our stress.  The Cleveland Clinic states that "aromatherapy can improve our mood and lessen anxiety."  Let's see what I can find to sniff...Brodie and I took off on a walk to enjoy the scents that nature provides.  I enjoyed the smell of freshly cut grass and the aroma of the Magnolia flowers on the trees...I did find myself to be relaxed as I wandered and breathed in the perfumed air.
Brodie did not seem to be impressed with the flowers or the grass...this was more his speed.  I used to tell my kids that "everybody likes different things".  Case in point with Brodie:-)

I have never had luck with finding perfumes that I love, but I now have found two.  Stephanie and I ventured to Nordstrom to check out the options.  We both fell in love with Beach by Bobbi Brown.  Every time I put it on it brings up memories of the beach...good memories, and thus it is a stress reliever.
The second one I enjoy is Star Magnolia by Jo Malone.  Such a light ,fresh scent.  I am seeing a trend here.  Enjoying magnolia flowers and now magnolia perfume. I never even realized I liked them.

If you find yourself feeling a bit stressed out, I suggest you close your eyes and slowly breath in the scent of your choice.  I can't make that decision for you, because as you have learned from Brodie, everybody likes different things:-)
Remember you are not alone and you are stronger then you think!
God Bless,
KathieyV

Monday, June 5, 2017

Divorce- The Ripple Effect

Blast from the past....I wrote this back in 2013 in The Beginning of my trauma.  I just thought I would re-post it after a bit of editing and updating of course.

In church last week the pastor spoke of the ripple effect of divorce.  It touches everyone involved not just the grieving partner.  Sadly it impacts my daughters, my son-in-law and all the other people who believed who he said he was.   Trust will now be an issue.  Unfortunately, it touches our grandchildren.  What kind of legacy does this leave for them except the legacy that if you don't like something, it is ok to quit and it does not matter who you hurt?  It reinforces that any promises made to God or others can just be tossed aside as though meaningless. This example reinforces that life is all about self and not about others.    That is not what God teaches us, and I hope they will be able to see God's love and teachings over the weaknesses of people.

Some may tell you if your children are grown it does not effect them.  Not true!!!!  I agree with the Pastor it effects everyone....The Ripple Effect.  I was watching a TV show called 72 hours.  It is a reality show, a competition where several teams race to win $100,000 in rough conditions.  There was one young woman that I was hoping would go home with the cash.  Her goal was to win the money for her Mom who was going through a divorce.  They showed the Mom on video discussing her divorce; you could feel the intensity of her distress.  The young woman was in pain also because of the trouble that burdened her Mom.    If this had not happened to her Mom, the daughter would have had a different mindset.  She could have had a happier life and not had to worry about her Mom that, more then likely,  had this pain selfishly thrust upon her.

 Like in my case I should be thinking about trips with the family, enjoying our lives together, enjoying the gifts God has given us but, now I must waste money on lawyers and try to figure out how I will survive both financially and emotionally. It was probably, like in my case, not her Mom's choice.  Divorce..... it effects everyone!

(I am happy to say "she won!":-) I am sorry she had to go through the pain of divorce in her family, but I am happy she can help her Mom.  Way to go!

"If anyone causes one of these little ones, those who believe in me, to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.  Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble.  Such things must come but woe to the person through whom they come" Matthew 18:6-7