Monday, November 20, 2017

Morning Motivation from Corrie ten Boom



I am extremely thankful for God's promises.  My favorite is "I will never leave you or forsake you."
Thank you God!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week.
KathieyV

Friday, November 17, 2017

Beware the Narcissist...Quotes From Pinterest

I never really understood the meaning of Narcissism.  There was no mention in primary or secondary school.  I don’t remember mention of it in my psych classes in nursing school.  How can we protect ourselves from something we don’t know or understand?  With that in mind, I will be doing a series of quotes from Pinterest to help us all better understand and protect ourselves from the narcissist.
 Beware the Narcissist, the Beginning The Journey The Joy
The Beginning...


The Journey...

The Joy...
(Not all divorces are a product of a narcissist but many are, and that is why I am doing this series)
Always remember God's promise.  "I will never leave you or forsake you."
Thank you God!
KathieyV

Monday, November 13, 2017

Monday Motivation "Where Is God In The Storm" Bishop T D Jakes

I came across this "snippet" on Youtube. Where is God in the Storm?
We have all been through or are going through some manner of a life storm.  The list of potential problems and challenges that we face is seemingly endless.  Please take the time to listen to this short excerpt from one of Bishop Jakes's sermons on just where to find  God in our storms.  I found it to be most encouraging.

Pastor Jakes says that "you cannot see in a storm, that is why He told you to walk by faith and not by sight."  He explains that God lives in trouble, He lives in the storm, and that he is with us in the storm.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2
Thank You God!
KathieyV



Thursday, November 9, 2017

Divorce in the News-Alimony and Tax Deductions

News FlashDivorce is Genetic?I don't believe it!-2
As I understand it, a new tax law is about to be introduced.  As it stands now, and in my case, my Ex gets to claim his alimony as a tax deduction.  That never seemed fair to me.  I have to pay taxes on the alimony I receive, and he gets a benefit for paying alimony.  Wait a minute there is something wrong here!  My husband leaves me thus taking away my security, breaking a multitude of promises to God and me, damaging my family, and then he is rewarded for this breach of contract with a very nice tax break.  This is a miscarriage of justice in my opinion.  If this proposed law goes through it will go into effect at the end of this year and will include future alimony rulings.  The past judgments for alimony payments will not be included, and the slackers of the past can skip away with their high tax deductions.  Whoever said life was fair?
There is concern that this could affect the alimony payout amounts.  The worry is that the courts would consider the amount to be paid out along with the taxes that are no longer deductible thus decreasing the payout amount to protect the payor.  Well, that is not fair either.  The one who created the problem needs to pay out what he owes the one he or she has harmed.  I don’t think anyone worried that I would be paying taxes on the monies I would receive.  I don’t remember taxes on alimony ever mentioned in any of our legal proceedings.
So what is my hope with this new law, if it passes?  I hope the ones who cause damage to others do not continue to be rewarded for their behavior with huge tax breaks.  I hope the ones that have been lied to and harmed through the breach of marital contract get the money they deserve.  I wish that the government would not grandfather anyone in, but as my mom used to say “if wishes were horses beggars would ride.”
I would love to know your thoughts on this.
KathieyV

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Spiritual Short Story. The Carrot The Egg The Coffee

I found this short story on a site called Spiritual Short Stories. The title of the story and the author are unknown.  As I read the story,  I thought of myself and others that have experienced pain and despair caused by an unwanted and unnecessary divorce.    
The Story
A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one would pop up.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire, and soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”
“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma then asked, 
“What does it mean, grandmother?”
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. 
My View on the Story
So, which am I?  Initially, I was the carrot.  I was so hurt and confused that I wanted to give up.  I thought life was not worth living; the pain was too intense.  
I can see how you could become hardened like the egg.  You harden yourself to protect yourself and then you can easily become bitter.  I may have built a few walls, and I do protect myself from the one who caused me and my family damage but I am not bitter, and I fight hard not to be.  
I would love to be like coffee.  I am not thankful for the pain, but I am glad that I am in a better place.  My marriage was such a lie but I did not see it until I was in a position to look from afar.  I now am in a place of peace not of turmoil, I am in a position to help others, and I have a family that I love and enjoy.  
Dear Lord help me to rely on your strength and not grow weak.  Help me to be wise but not bitter.  Lord help me to be like "coffee" and to change the things around me for the best. 
Thank you, God,
KathieyV
How do you see yourself.  Are you the carrot, the egg, or the coffee or a combination of the three?

Monday, November 6, 2017

Morning Motivation, How Can I Survive the Pain of Divorce? | Jason Gray



"The initiative against despair is to rise and do the next thing".
Oswald Chambers
We may not understand why some things happen in our lives.  Some of these things may seem insurmountable but guess what.  God still has a purpose for us, and we can "rise and do the next thing."


 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Thank You God!
KathieyV

Friday, November 3, 2017

Quote Day... "My Story My Divorce God's Promise, The Beginning" by KathieyV

This is quote from my book, "My Story My Divorce God's Promise".  You can check it out by hitting the link below.  I would be grateful if you would buy the book and then let me know what you think.  I would love to hear your story.
The link above is where you can buy the book if you are interested.  I am an Amazon Affiliate and will get a small percentage of any purchase you make on Amazon if you go through this link.  Don't worry it is of no extra cost to you:-)
KathieyV

Monday, October 30, 2017

Morning Motivation...Give Thanks...Blast From the Past...2013

Monday Morning Motivation…Give Thanks blast from the past…2013

I am reading a book that a lovely and caring person gave me.  She knew I was going through a crisis in my life and so she gave me a book that she thought would provide me with comfort.  It is called “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp.  It reminds me, on a much grander scale, of the way I have always tried to live my life, seeking beauty in the midst of pain.  The chapter I read the other night was on giving thanks in all things through Communion, as Christ did before his death.
After reading this book, I had a strong urge to take Communion.  I was hoping to take Communion at an area Methodist Church on Saturday, but I was not able to attend.  So I thought to myself, that’s OK,  I can take Communion next week.
Caleb spent the night with me last night.  He is a blessing and a diversion from the pain.  We played, we ran, we spun in circles, we ate ice cream.  As I was putting him to bed, he kissed me and told me he loved me thus warming my heart.
Got up Sunday morning and went to church.  The pastor spoke of a Greek word “Iupeo” which means stressed, grieved, deeply distressed.  I guess I now fit into that category. I am in a horrible amount of emotional pain. This church is a large church,  I don’t know many folks, but I always come away with something.  Today it was Communion.  They did not offer it in the service, but as I was leaving, I saw a door in the very back of the room that I had never noticed before, on it was written “Communion.”  I hesitated and then decided maybe this was my gift for the day.  I went in.  There were two tables each with small candles, a little cross plus the wine and the bread.  There were several chairs and probably about ten people silently praying. It was a peaceful place. I did not stay very long, but I took the bread and the wine and gave thanks to God.  Not so much for this mess but His love.
Never forget God’s Promise…
“I will never leave you or forsake you”
Thank you God!
KathieyV

Friday, October 27, 2017

Divorce in the News, Divorce is Genetic? Hogwash!

News FlashDivorce is Genetic?I don't believe it!-2
I was reading an article that speaks of the possibility that divorce may be genetic.  I found the article on The Sacramento Bee Divorce May Be Genetic.  
The study focuses on families of divorce and the outcome of adopted children vs. biological children of the families going through a divorce. Most past studies have focused on the psychological aspects of divorce and the effects on children of divorce and their marriages.
You know what?  I don’t believe it.  I spent 37 years with a man who did nothing but condemn his father for the way he treated his mother.  His father cheated on her numerous times with more than one partner, left her, and then divorced her.  I was there during the initial days of her devastation; I remember the adverse effects on her and her children.  (They did remarry many years later).  Well, lo and behold even through the voiced negative views of what his father had done to his family my husband did much of the same to my family and me.
In my opinion, the fact that divorce could be genetic is hogwash.  It is a moral and ethical decision.  It is an action based on selfishness.  To say it is genetic is akin to all the folks that have been caught in the many sex scandals in the news.  They typically say “it’s not my fault, I have a problem, I think I will go to rehab and then everything will be ok.”  To say lying, cheating, and divorce is genetic gives the marriage destroyers nothing but a candy-coated excuse.  “Sorry, It’s not my fault.  It’s genetic”.  Hogwash!
News FlashDivorce is Genetic?I don't believe it!
I am not alone in my views.  In The Daily Mail, I found some opinions on this topic.  I thought I would share a few.
“Total Nonsense”.
“I cannot understand how they think it can be genetic. If there is a family with a laisse faire attitude to divorce any children will be brought up thinking its all no big deal. If a family is brought up to make effort to preserve a marriage, or not to marry in haste then any children will make more effort too”.
“Who employs these fools?”
“There was a time when to make a promise before God would not be broken”. (I do agree with divorce when cheating and abuse are involved, kv).
“Genetic? Genetic? That’s ridiculous! If there is a link it’s probably, learned behaviour like intolerance, disloyalty or something like that. Genetic? Like a rogue gene? Never.”
Interesting article.  I would love to know what you think.
KathieyV

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Beware The Narcissist, The Beginning The Journey The Joy

I never really understood the meaning of Narcissism.  There was no mention in primary or secondary school.  I don’t remember mention of it in my psych classes in nursing school.  How can we protect ourselves from something we don’t know or understand?  With that in mind, I will be doing a series of quotes from Pinterest to help us all better understand and protect ourselves from the narcissist.
 Beware the Narcissist, the Beginning The Journey The Joy
(Photos from Pinterest)
The Beginning
ce48a778a4e92b8334d8bb2d7151fd70
The Journey
d3ed8ad653294786593e87b9aad7d1d9
The Joy
43b4296d33fbeaa03731645f38e34d9bHugs and Prayers,
KathieyV

Monday, October 23, 2017

Morning Motivation, May My Faith Be Bigger Than My Fear.




There is a young woman that I know who has not had, what I would call, an easy life.  I am not sure of the depths of the trauma in her life but I know it has been painful and I know there are scars.  This young woman has a passion and love for others, especially children, and has overcome and continues to overcome, daily, the demons of her past.  I was able to witness a very happy moment in her life.  She had a financial need, a very unselfish need,  that she knew could not meet on her own no matter how hard she tried.  She put it in God's hands.  Seemingly out of nowhere someone she barely knew reached out to her and blessed her with a gift of money so she could meet this need in her life.  I was so lucky to be there when she was given this gift. Her joy was palpable.  With tears in her eyes, she said: "My faith has to be bigger than my fear." What a blessing!
"Lord, please let my faith to be bigger than my fear.  Give me faith God when faced with illness, sorrow, injustice, weakness, and death.  Help my faith to be strong in the daily challagnes of life.  In all things Lord, please help me see and know your love and your grace and may your love and care for me overshadow and be so much bigger than any fear this world could hold. Amen".
KathieyV
Happy Monday Everyone!

Monday, October 16, 2017

Morning Motivation, Even the Damaged Produce Good Fruit



"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God". 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Have you ever really looked at an apple tree?  I guess some apple trees stand straight and tall.  But I am drawn to the apple trees that are crooked and bent, the ones that appear broken.  It is surprising to me that a tree that looks so damaged can produce such beautiful fruit thus making the tree itself complete.  I can't help but compare these crooked trees to our lives.  We get beat up in so many ways in life.  The causes of pain and confusion are endless.  As we deal with difficulty, it may appear at times that we don't have the strength to go on.   Luckily we have God who walks beside us in our times of most profound need.  Through God's compassion and comfort, we will regain our strength.  No, we may never be the same as we were before our trauma but we are now better equipped because of it.  We are better equipped to trust God, better equipped to follow the path that God wants us to take and we are better equipped to help others on our same path.  Yes, we may be a bit worse for the wear, but that will not hinder us from producing beautiful fruit just like the apple tree. 
Thank you, God!
KathieyV

Friday, October 13, 2017

How to Survive the Pain of Divorce (Even When it Feels Unbearable)



Occasionally I like to share a relevant divorce recovery video.  I found this one on youtube.

My favorite quote was by Patty Blue Hayes.
"It is a death, but from that death you have a beginning".

Similar to my quote.

Ways to Reduce Stress. Try Reading


Here is a quote in regard to reading and stress relief that I found online.....

"Reading worked best, outshining other stress-reduction techniques like listening to music, taking a walk or having a cup of tea. Stress levels declined by 68 percent after participants read for just six minutes, leading Lewis to say, "Losing yourself in a book is the ultimate relaxation."  When you read, your mind is distracted from everyday worries and anxiety, while your muscles tend to relax. In addition, research shows reading leads to improvements in brain function, including significant increases in connectivity that persist for several days after the reading takes place." Dr. Mercola
For me, reading is a distraction.  It takes me to a new place and different time. Reading distracts me from the things that cause anxiety in my life.  Because of this diversion, I can relax and step away from the fear and uncertainty of my life if only for a  moment.

Before my husband left me, I loved to read.  I would have two or three books on my nightstand that I would be in the process of reading.  I was in book clubs and loved to spend my evenings with my nose in a good book. It is interesting that at the beginning of my despair of an unwanted separation and divorce I could not read.  The emotional pain and unsettling of my situation were all-encompassing, and I could not escape that pull of dread. It has been just over four years now and slowly over the years, I have redeveloped my love of reading.  Initially, I had to force myself to read, and many times I would find myself just staring at the pages with no recollection of what I had read.  Now I love to go to bed at night.  I look forward to entering the exciting world of the written word.  
If you have stress in your life as most of us do in some form or another, I suggest you give reading a try.  Carry a book with you and at that moment that you feel overwhelmed and you need just a short break read a chapter or two.  Sometimes it is nice to take a break from our reality if only for a moment, and when we resurface from our diversion, we can face life with a less stressful mind. 
Happy Reading,
KathieyV

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Monday, October 9, 2017

Morning Motivation "Running with Perseverance"



Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus,the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
(Caleb and Nana:-)
If there is anything that is causing you to "grow weary and lose heart" give it to God and let him handle it.  I believe, if we hold onto God and his word,  that he will direct our path and help us down the road that we are suppose to follow.  
Never forget God's Promise "I will never leave you or forsake you"
Thanks you God:-)

Monday, October 2, 2017

Morning Motivation Sharing God's Mercy and Grace



I am reading several devotionals at one time.  Not that I am consistent in my reading of any of them, but  I  attempt to read a few pages daily to try to find God's will for me.  One of my favorites is "Glimpses of God's Grace"  by Anita Donahue. Anita speaks of stepping out on faith and passing on God's mercy and grace.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

This scripture was one of my support scriptures during "the beginning" of the knowledge that my husband was leaving me.  I was extremely weak, and I needed grace, and I needed God's comfort.  He did lift me up, and slowly, very slowly I began to strengthen.

For those of you in "the beginning" of this process hold on tightly to this scripture because I can promise you it is true.  Please don't give up or give in to fear, which is so easy to do.  If you are in the process of "the journey" of divorce and all the unknowns that come along with it keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that His "grace is sufficient for you".

I believe, like Anita, that we can pass on God's mercy and grace.  We can share our testimony with others on the same path and give them hope.  To me, this would be "the joy" in the process.   God is giving us the gift to help others on this rocky path. Thank you, God, for the opportunity.
God Bless!
KathieyV

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Morning Motivation "Your Eyes Told Me"

This is an update of an old post written in 2011.
Several weeks ago I watched "The Sixth Sense."  I love that movie.  The twists and turns the surprise ending.  And that adorable little boy, what an amazing actor, and who doesn't like Bruce Willis:-)The little boy did not share much regarding his thoughts and feelings.  He kept them hidden.  He kept his pain hidden.  
Photo from movie website
I loved the son's relationship with his mom. He loved her deeply and could read her emotions.  At one point he asked her why she was so sad, her reply "What makes you think I'm sad," Cole's reply "Your eyes told me."  I think many of us would love for someone to care so deeply about us that they could see through our facade and see our pain.  That they could look in our eyes and read what is behind our smile, our mask.  Well, there is someone, God.  He sees our pain, our loneliness,  our confusion,  our guilt,  our fear, and our utter devastation.  And guess what?  He loves us!  (I do wish he would make physical appearances so we could get a smile and a hug and an audible word of encouragement.  But I guess that is one way we can be his servants, to give a smile and a hug and a word of encouragement to those we encounter, you never know who needs it.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2 NIV
Remember God's Promise.
I will never leave you or forsake you
KathieyV.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Finding Joy Aug 2017 "The Joy"

There is joy to be found even though life is in no way perfect.  
Here are some moments of joy from Aug 2017

Afternoon Tea with my girls.

 Our trip to the mountains
 Hiking in the NC mountains
 Enjoying the solar eclipse, my Zumba buddies, good food, family out for a drive, sharing a bunk bed with Caleb.
 Maggie' first birthday party:-)
 Writing
Reading 
And let's not forget the joy of God's promises.
One of my favorites
"I will never leave you or forsake you".
Thank you God:-)