Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Ways to De-Stress..."Peel an Orange"...Aromatherapy

Ok folks, it's time to de-stress.  Those of us going through divorce seem to be a reservoir for stress.  I never had any issues of unhealthy anxiety or depression until I was blindsided with marital separation after decades of marriage. On one stress index scale, that I found, divorce rates the second highest stressor with the death of a spouse first.  I don't know if I agree with that, because it is like a death. 
"Divorce is like a death but with intent"

Time to De-Stress

Let's refer to the article I found on Huff Post "100 Ways to De-stress".  We have completed #1 Chocolate Meditation.  That one was enjoyable, as is anything to do with chocolate.  Then we moved on to #2 which is extremely beneficial, Journaling.

Moving on to #3...
"Peel an orange. Studies show the smell of citrus can help reduce stress"

Photo from Psychmind.com
I don't have an orange, but I believe that that are many scents that can enhance our mood and thus decrease our stress.  The Cleveland Clinic states that "aromatherapy can improve our mood and lessen anxiety."  Let's see what I can find to sniff...Brodie and I took off on a walk to enjoy the scents that nature provides.  I enjoyed the smell of freshly cut grass and the aroma of the Magnolia flowers on the trees...I did find myself to be relaxed as I wandered and breathed in the perfumed air.
Brodie did not seem to be impressed with the flowers or the grass...this was more his speed.  I used to tell my kids that "everybody likes different things".  Case in point with Brodie:-)

I have never had luck with finding perfumes that I love, but I now have found two.  Stephanie and I ventured to Nordstrom to check out the options.  We both fell in love with Beach by Bobbi Brown.  Every time I put it on it brings up memories of the beach...good memories, and thus it is a stress reliever.
The second one I enjoy is Star Magnolia by Jo Malone.  Such a light ,fresh scent.  I am seeing a trend here.  Enjoying magnolia flowers and now magnolia perfume. I never even realized I liked them.

If you find yourself feeling a bit stressed out, I suggest you close your eyes and slowly breath in the scent of your choice.  I can't make that decision for you, because as you have learned from Brodie, everybody likes different things:-)
Remember you are not alone and you are stronger then you think!
God Bless,
KathieyV

Monday, June 5, 2017

Divorce- The Ripple Effect

Blast from the past....I wrote this back in 2013 in The Beginning of my trauma.  I just thought I would re-post it after a bit of editing and updating of course.

In church last week the pastor spoke of the ripple effect of divorce.  It touches everyone involved not just the grieving partner.  Sadly it impacts my daughters, my son-in-law and all the other people who believed who he said he was.   Trust will now be an issue.  Unfortunately, it touches our grandchildren.  What kind of legacy does this leave for them except the legacy that if you don't like something, it is ok to quit and it does not matter who you hurt?  It reinforces that any promises made to God or others can just be tossed aside as though meaningless. This example reinforces that life is all about self and not about others.    That is not what God teaches us, and I hope they will be able to see God's love and teachings over the weaknesses of people.

Some may tell you if your children are grown it does not effect them.  Not true!!!!  I agree with the Pastor it effects everyone....The Ripple Effect.  I was watching a TV show called 72 hours.  It is a reality show, a competition where several teams race to win $100,000 in rough conditions.  There was one young woman that I was hoping would go home with the cash.  Her goal was to win the money for her Mom who was going through a divorce.  They showed the Mom on video discussing her divorce; you could feel the intensity of her distress.  The young woman was in pain also because of the trouble that burdened her Mom.    If this had not happened to her Mom, the daughter would have had a different mindset.  She could have had a happier life and not had to worry about her Mom that, more then likely,  had this pain selfishly thrust upon her.

 Like in my case I should be thinking about trips with the family, enjoying our lives together, enjoying the gifts God has given us but, now I must waste money on lawyers and try to figure out how I will survive both financially and emotionally. It was probably, like in my case, not her Mom's choice.  Divorce..... it effects everyone!

(I am happy to say "she won!":-) I am sorry she had to go through the pain of divorce in her family, but I am happy she can help her Mom.  Way to go!

"If anyone causes one of these little ones, those who believe in me, to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.  Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble.  Such things must come but woe to the person through whom they come" Matthew 18:6-7

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

What in the World is Escrow?

What in the world is Escrow? I have heard this word thrown around on many occasions and had no idea what it was. Many of us involved in a separation and divorce or even the death of a spouse find ourselves dealing with many things we have never had to deal with before. One of those things, for me, is escrow.

This week I learned that my mortgage was sold to another lender. So I have had three mortgage companies in one year. This sale brought up the issue of me having to call my insurance company to let them know. Why you ask?  Because of escrow.
I found a definition on The Street WebsiteWhen you get a mortgage to purchase, build or refinance a home, most lenders prefer to set up an escrow account so they can pay your property taxes and insurance premiums for you. A monthly payment is added to your mortgage bill and analyzed once a year to cover any increases in taxes or insurance premiums.”Feb 15, 2008
As I understand it: our mortgage lenders take a part of our monthly payments and place them in “escrow,” set them aside…to pay our homeowner’s insurance, and property taxes.
For me, I like having my mortgage company take care of these items for me. It helps me to budget my property tax and insurance payments.
You will find the term escrow used in real estate contracts also.  I found this definition as related to escrow and real estate….“An escrow is a neutral third-party who holds funds until conditions are met. Real estate escrowmeans putting something, such as a deed or money, in the custody of a neutral third party until certain conditions are met, according to the website Realty Times.”
Call to action….Now that I have a basic understanding of the meaning of escrow I now have to do one thing.  I have to call my insurance company and let them know of the lender switch.
I hope this helps you in your situation.
We can do this!
KathieyV

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

My Story My Divorce God's Promise, The Beginning, A Book Trailer

My Story My Divorce God's Promise
The Beginning
A Book Trailer




Always remember God's Promise.
"I will never leave you or forsake you"
Thank you God!
KathieyV
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Your Truth Will Set You Free....Unless You Are Gaslighting!

I talk with people often about divorce.  Many women and a handful of men I have spoken with  have experienced, what some call, gaslighting.  How I understand gaslighting, it is the twisting of the truth and invention of new untruths.
I found an article that deals with the subject, "I Reject Your Reality and Substitute My Own" By Stilllearng2b.  I will share with you some of her quotes and my thoughts on those quotes....
"He was rejecting reality and substituting his own."
Stilllearning2b
"He was gaslighting – using deception and manipulation to cast himself as the sane and balanced one and to make me look unstable and vile."
Stilllearning2b
This can become all to clear during divorce proceedings.  Many times there are accusations that have to be disproved.  I have found this to be fairly typical when speaking to others about their experiences. 

"He was a master at creating and convincing others of his own reality. And, as trusting of him as I was, I was easy to convince."
Stilllearning2b
All I have to say about that quote at this time is "believe your gut feeling".  It seems that more often then not it is right.  I did not trust mine only to find out later I should have. 

"Gaslighting thrives on doubt.  Starve it by believing in yourself."
Stilllearning2b
Amen to that.  Now it is our time to believe in ourselves and seek the life that God wants us to live.  A life unimpeded by someone who never really loved us.  Was it all in vain you ask?  No, I don't think so.  I know I would have been much happier having married someone who truly loved me.  But then I would not have some of the gifts I now have.  I have two wonderful daughters and two beautiful grandchildren.  Because of that, aside from the pain caused to my girls, myself and others, 
 I would not change a thing.

I had to add one of my quotes.  A thought based on all the divorce stories I have heard...

"Life is too short to waste time on morally bankrupt people who are unrepentant & refuse to see themselves for who they truly are.  Instead, seeing only what they choose to see through the rose colored glasses they have created for themselves."
KathieyV

I will leave you with a bible verse...
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
...and a reflection of the joy that I have that was worth the all the pain.



Monday, May 8, 2017

Divorce...Quotes found on Pinterest, The Beginning, The Journey, The Joy

The Beginning
"Divorce is like a death but with intent."
KathieyV
The Journey
"We need to trust God on this journey"
KathieyV
"Joy will come.  Maybe not in the morning but it will come."
KathieyV
Remember God's promise.  "I will never leave you or forsake you".  
Thank you God!
KathieyV