Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Divorce Court Clip, How to Deal with Anger-Humming?

I am now five years away from the initial pain of an unwanted and unnecessary divorce and can now laugh at video clips like this one.  In the early days I probably could not have watched this video it would have been far too painful.

I know we all deal with pain and anger differently.  Some of our methods of dealing with such trauma are positive and some maybe not so much.  Miss Hicks attempt to overcome her anger came in the form of humming.  I did not think of that one.  I think humming or singing is a great idea:-)

At the beginning of the nightmare you are merely trying to survive.  How did I cope with anger and despair in the early days?  Days and weeks of crying, denial, journaling, reaching out to my friends, not eating, exercising, and listening to Christian music.

Legally I dealt with my feelings by seeking the truth through any means possible.  My attorney suggested I hire a private investigator, that I subpoena bank records, phone, and other records. Digital forensic scoured an old computer that I had found.  Learning the truth was painful, but I needed to know.

So how do I deal with these negative emotions today?  Exercise, Zumba, writing, devotional time, praying, just going out and having fun. I have learned more about the reality of my situation since the day it began. I still want to know the full truth. I want to know it all.

How do you deal with anger or pain associated with divorce or any other life trauma?  I would love to know.  By sharing you may be helping someone else on a similar journey.

God Bless!

Monday, March 19, 2018

Morning Motivation "When God Ran"

I love the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32.  Why,  Because the story is an example of God's abundant Grace on which I lean so heavily.  It is a picture, to me, of God's love for us.  In church yesterday the Pastor spoke of how the son in this parable had turned his back on his father.  How he squandered all, he had given him.  How he then became desperate without his father in his life.  How he then returned to him and was lovingly accepted back into his father's house because he was so loved. And even though he, the son, did not deserve it,  all his foolishness was forgiven, and the slate wiped clean.
I have turned my back on God in my lifetime.  I thought I could navigate this world on my own.  Not so, at least for me.  I am not complete without my faith in God and the knowledge of a love and grace beyond this world.
Years ago there was a song that I would listen to that would bring tears to my eyes each time I would hear it.  It is a song by Benny Hester called "When God Ran."

"And the only time, the only time I ever saw Him run Was when He ran to me, Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest And said "My son's come home again".
 Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in His voice He said 
"Son, do you know I still love you? 
It caught me by surprise when God ran." 
Benny Hester

Happy Monday Everyone!

Enjoy Your World:-)

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Exploring a new TV Show "Grace and Frankie" I Wish You Joy

I find myself relating to the TV show Grace and Frankie.  I am nearly in my 60's and my husband of 37 years just up and left.  There was no warning to me that this was his intention until he had already consulted with an attorney and was planning his escape. It was a bit like that for Grace and Frankie too.  I am going to watch the series and pull out quotes, situations, and emotions to which I can identify.  Here is a description of the show that I found online....

"Two married women in their 60's are shocked when they find out that their husbands are leaving them, but even more shocked out to find the reason why; they are gay and in love with each other! Now Grace and Frankie have to figure out how to deal with their lives now and how to move on in this original comedy series from Netflix."
The Beginning
These two "men" had been cheating on their wives, with each other for over 20 years.  Of course, they could rationalize this by making excuses that they were never happy and neither was the now shocked wife.  They would say things like "change is a good thing" in an attempt to sugarcoat their actions.
There is mention of the hidden lives of the male characters in this show.  I can relate.  I have had conversations with the spouses of two women that were seeing my husband.  They, like me,  had no idea what was going on, what was hidden.  One of the men said to me that on one particular day that "the scales fell from my eyes and I knew." Extremely sad.  Not a proud legacy to leave behind.

"Ever notice how Christians quoting these words from Jesus have no problem “casting stones” at faithful spouses? Pointing out their alleged spousal failures.

The double-standard of avoiding talking about the cheater’s sins and failures while going into lengthy explorations of the faithful spouse’s “contributions” to the marriage’s demise happens all too often in Christian circles. It is absolutely insane!"...Divorce Minister

I  agree with what the Divorce Minister has to say.  The blame tends to be displaced.  I have spoken to many women going through a divorce who are the subjects of the blame when they are the innocent party.  Most of these men make excuses and take no responsibility. 

The Journey

In the early stages of my trauma, all I could do was give it to God.   Through prayer, music, and scripture I was able to find the strength to get through the fog of each day.  When you know, there is nothing you can do about a situation you have to give all aspects of it to God.  He will equip you the courage and strength to endure until you come out of the darkness of the event.  And you will:-)
The Joy
I am 3 years out from the initial shock, and in the beginning, I thought I would never find joy again, and I nearly gave up.  If you just hold on you can and will find joy.  It takes time and determination and faith and friends, but you can do it!
Initially, I lost all connections to the things I used to love. I was so damaged, but over time I started to read again, to enjoy photography, and to cook again.  I was beginning to heal.
This week joy has come in many forms.  Going out with friends, sleepovers and swimming with my Grandson, and seeing my daughters. 

Wishing you joy!
(Full disclosure.  This post is a past post.  When I wrote this post, I was three years removed from the initial pain.  It is now about 4.5 years since this began.  Am I completely healed?  No, there was damage to my heart my mind and my entire being, but I am improving every day.  Don't get me wrong, at this point, I would not change the outcome.  I was living with a man that I thought I knew but did not.  I am much better off).

Monday, March 12, 2018

Morning Motivation, A Prayer from an Unknown Author

I found this prayer online.  I could not find an author associated with the words.  This heartfelt prayer, I believe, is for all of us going through the pain of separation and divorce. The prayer is divided into three segments and fits my theme of The Beginning, The Journey, and The Joy.  I think this prayer is the perfect motivation for strength, endurance, and peace as we begin our week.

I don't know where you are in this process.  I hope you are healing.
Just remember you are not alone and 
God promises that he will never leave us or forsake us.
God Bless!


Friday, March 9, 2018

Inspirational Quote "A Person Who Falls and Gets Back Up Is..."

In my opinion, this is an accurate quote.  When learning anything in life, whether it be a new skill or navigating the waters of a life trauma, these are times when we may regress or seem to go backward.  These are the times we just might make a wrong turn or just downright fail.
After being lied to or betrayed, we may react in a way that is not our norm.  We may make decisions based on fear and uncertainty.  We may fall, and I did.  My first reaction to this devastation in my life was to give up.  So in that regard I fell, I momentarily forgot that God has my back and that I needed to hold tightly to his promises.  It took me a while but I came around:-)
If you do or did fall/fail because of your fear and uncertainty, don't kick yourself.  We are human and make mistakes.  I believe God understands the depth of pain that we are/were in and holds us close to Him even in our uncertainty.
I believe that when we do get back up that we have learned from our experience.  We are not only stronger because of it, but we now have the tools to help others.
Thank You God

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Lawyers are a Girls Best Friend Not Diamonds...Zsa Zsa Gabor

I like this quote, and I can relate to its meaning now that I have experienced the depth of its truth.
If you find yourself in the throws of an unwanted and unexpected separation and pending divorce as I did, please hire an experienced attorney.  Do this sooner rather than later.  I regret taking my time in hiring my lawyer.  It is easy to understand why we drag our feet.  We may be traumatized, in a fog, no idea what to do when this situation confronts us. Sadly in our hesitation, we benefit the one who betrayed us.  So stand firm in this horrible challenge, interview several attornies and hire the one that can help you.   Another piece of advice that I would give you is to do what your attorney tells you to do.  I followed most of my counsel's direction, but I bulked at calling some people to task to protect them.  If I could go back, and I wish could, I would hold them all accountable.
This process is not an easy one but take a deep breath, 
put one foot in front of the other and finish the task.
God Bless You!
(Disclaimer:  This is what worked for me.  I am not a professional but speak only of my experience.  What worked for me may not work for you...but then again it might:-)

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Inspirational and Motivational Coffee Mugs.

Do you guys have a favorite coffee mug?  I have a few that I love.  When going through a difficult time or even on a stress-free day it is nice to pour your morning coffee into a mug that has a verse or a saying that starts your day off right.
I have several mugs some I use on occasion but a few that I gravitate toward frequently.
I love the ones with the inspirational quotes.  They are a daily reminder that I am not alone and that I can have a positive outlook.  The Finger Lakes mug reminds me of the fantastic time I had with the Road Scholars in Upstate NY.  The cow mug is just funny.  I don't use it much, but my grandson does:-)
I found my cups accidentally in specialty stores that I have visited.
I did an Amazon search for mugs and found these that seem very nice and serve as reminders that we are not alone and we can make it through the day whether it be fun or difficult
You can check these links out on Amazon if you are interested.
Faith Psalm 55:22
I can do all things through Him
Never The Less She Persisted
For I Know The Plans I Have For You
Send me a photo of your favorite mug.  
If I get a large response I may do a blog post.
(These links may contain affiliate links.  I say may because I don't know if the links are working on my site.  With that in mind if you do click on a link and purchase a cup I get paid a percentage with no cost to you.  Thanks:-)