Beware the Narcissist Part 4-Ways to Know If I May Be Dating A Narcissist

Beware the Narcissist-Part 4

Ways to Know If I May Be Dating a Narcissist

When going through a divorce, many people realize for the first time, maybe in decades, that they were married to a narcissist. Sadly, most are not taught in school, or anywhere for that matter, what a narcissist is, so when confronted with narcissistic behavior, we may not be aware of the signs or potential abuse involved in a relationship with a narcissist. With that in mind, I will be doing a series on "Beware The Narcissist" to help us become more familiar with the typical behavior of a narcissist. Even if we are lucky enough to have not been in a narcissistic relationship, it is good to know what to look for to avoid such a relationship in the future.

(Remember, I am not an expert. The information I have obtained I have read or have heard firsthand from some who have had to deal with a narcissist.)

Part-4

Ways to Know If I May Be Dating a Narcissist

Here we find ourselves in the position of dating again.  Did I ever think I would find myself dating again after being married for decades? No, it never even entered my mind.  But, here, many of us are. It is impossible to totally protect ourselves from being hurt or damaged again, but let's be as informed as we possibly can when meeting new people.  Let's take a look at some... 

Ways to Know if You May Be Dating a Narcissist.

It may be extremely difficult to identify a narcissist.  Sometimes, this type of personality slaps you in the face and is an overt personality trait.  In other cases, it is more covert.  With the covert narcissist, you may not be able to quickly identify this trait, and you may feel something is not right, but you can't put your finger on it.  You begin to question yourself, and that in itself is a red flag. 

Here are a few things to look for when dating that "may" indicate you are dating a narcissist.  It is not a perfect science, and many narcissists are smooth and can hide this trait.  All we can do is our best to be informed and be cautious.

Love Bombing- Who does not like being shown affection and told you are wonderful and perfect.  This can be a lovely thing, but it can also be a red flag. It can be a form of manipulation. Love Bombing is a technique used by a narcissist. Here is one definition of Love Bombing...

“Love bombing is characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection 

with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person”

Sasha Jackson

A False Sense of Entitlement- Many times, a narcissist believes they are more intelligent, more attractive, and better than everyone else.  They feel they deserve the best from everyone; they feel entitled.  To fulfill this sense of entitlement, they will stop at nothing to get what they think they deserve, basically to feed their ego regardless of the cost.

A Lack of Empathy-They don't understand the emotions of others.  They see other people as a means to their end.  They can't identify with the feelings of others, nor do they want to.  If you are with them long enough, you may see how they talk about others with a lack of empathy or how they treat you with that same lack of empathy.  Sadly, though, they can fake empathy, which makes the detection of a narcissist even more difficult.

They are Manipulative-They can feed your ego to get what they want, or they may send you on a guilt trip; either way it is manipulation.  This is a form of control.

They Have A Constant Need For Validation- Narcissists need praise in all areas to build their fragile egos.  

They Leave You Feeling Exhausted-Why do they leave you exhausted?  Because they tend to talk about themselves most of the time. They do this in an effort to look good to others or to build their ego. They have little need to listen to others or to you, although, during the love bombing stage, they may pretend to.

Their Lack of Ability to Take Responsibility- Narcissists like to blame others.  It is never their fault.  If you listen very long to a narcissist, you will soon pick up on the fact that everyone around them is to blame for everything negative in their lives; they are never at fault.

They Live in a Cycle of Idealization and then Devaluation of Others- When a narcissist begins to develop a relationship, they tend to idealize their new "supply"; they can do no wrong.  Soon after, they will devalue that person when they no longer serve a purpose for the narcissist.  Listen closely to how they talk about others; this could be a key to who they are.

These are just a few red flags that you may be dating a narcissist.  It is good to be wise and aware that they are out there.  On the other hand, if you do date, it is essential to keep an open mind and realize that not everyone out there is a narcissist or has bad intentions.  Just keep your eyes open and stay smart on your dating adventures.

God Bless You On Your Journey!

KathieyV