Beware the Narcissist: Behind the Victim Act—Spotting the Real Abuser

How often do you catch yourself believing one side of a messy story—especially when it’s loud, confident, and emotionally charged? Maybe it’s an ex blaming the other, or a friend spinning a wild tale. Before you jump to judgment, pause and consider: what if the victim you see is actually the abuser in disguise?

Many ex-spouses—especially narcissists—often say damaging things about their former partner to boost themselves or paint themselves as the victim. In many situations, it’s hard to tell who’s truthful. Sometimes, we only hear the loudest voice—and that may very well be the narcissist’s.

Here is what was said on Quora

"Narcissists need to validate their failings by pinning blame on someone else."

"Talking bad about you validates him/her. A narcissist, at their core, are insecure and anxious with low self-esteem. All ex-partners are evidence of a failure. This is threatening to them on many levels, so they need everyone around them to know that the relationship failed because their partner was a bad partner."

I found typical lies a narcissist tells about their spouse in an article called "Lies a Narcissist Will Tell About Exs."

• He will tell you things that the ex-spouse did, but in reality, he did that to her.
• He may say the Ex trapped him into marriage or a relationship.
• He may say his Ex had a behavioral change toward them.
• He may say he was abused by the Ex in many negative ways such as cheating, abuse, and the list goes on.  In reality, it was he who was doing those things.
• He will say the Ex is crazy when they are not. 
• They may say the ex still wants him back when, in reality, that is not the case.  They do that because it makes them look good, and in their mind, he may be saying, "My God, who would not want me."  

So next time you’re hearing negative comments about someone, take a moment before you decide who’s telling the truth or who’s “crazy.” Often, the loudest voice isn’t the real victim—it may be the abuser cleverly playing the part. Being aware of this can help you see the situation with clearer eyes.

God Bless you on this Journey!

KathieyV