Friday, October 10, 2014

My Story Page 10. My Attorney

     It is hard to decide what to do when you are in a state of shock.  That is where I found myself.  Barely able to make it through the day, paralyzed in my new reality.  Sinking deeper into a sadness and depression the likes of which I had never experienced.
     When you are in this state you can barely move let alone make the difficult decisions.  All these voices telling me "You have to get an attorney", "This is your life and you need help to make the right decisions", "It is money well spent".  During this phase I drug my feet.  I allowed my husband to continue to come to my home and continue to pay the bills out of my account.  I took my time in getting an attorney.  In hind sight that was a huge mistake.  If I was thinking more clearly I would have jumped on things right away, hired my people right away.  Instead I lived for several weeks in stunned silence.
     The day did come that I did hire my attorney.  Better late then never.  When I first met her I was not in the best shape.  I had lost weight, and was constantly on the verge of tears.  She read over the proposed agreement with me and easily saw this was written to help my soon to be X, not me.  So much hidden in the jargon.
     I was given assignments on my first day in contact with Joanne.  First I was to go to the bank and get him off my accounts.  She lead me to the outside of her office pointed to the bank and said "go now"!  Which I did without question.  I thank God for that advice!  Then she said "you need to hire a PI".  That took me by surprise.  A private investigator?  Me?  That was so far beyond my comprehension.  Reluctantly I took her advice.  I am so glad that I did.  I would have some to proof as to who this man really was.  His words, that he was not fooling around and not interested in dating, could now be shown for what they were.  An untruth.  In a very short period of time the PI found him with two women.  My PI's assistant was stunned that a former pastor would do such a thing.  I remember when she called to tell me there was more then one woman.  More to follow on that.  I have since learned of other indiscretions confirmed by old friends.  I always had a gut feeling but never would go there.  I was naive and believed that even though I was suspicious surely a man that was a minister would not cross that line.  His father had done the same thing to his mother, so why not me. Yes, I was Naive!
























So what is happening today?  It is going on about a year and a half since this began.  I am meeting women nearly everyday in different yet similar situations.  Men just walking out.  Broken promises to God and to others.  Many women left in their later years not knowing how they will survive. Interesting that the bulk of the "men" could care less about the damage they have created.  The bulk of them believe they are the victims.  I am finding that to be typical. That is not for us to worry about though.  We have to move on.  Learn by our experiences and use those experiences to support others going through the same difficulties.  Giving our problems daily to God.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" 
Philippians 4:13

4 comments:

  1. Everything I read said that it take about five years to recover from a divorce. Although I made a lot of headway it was at the five year mark that I suddenly began to feel like myself again. (I've been divorced for almost 8 years now) Divorce is just so hard and after 33 years of betrayal I'm not sure the trust issues ever go away. But here's the good news. Life gets BETTER. It really does. I know you can't hurry the process but if you keep "walking" you WILL arrive in the light. Sending my best thoughts and prayers in your behalf.

    Suzanne

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  2. That’s true. It’s really hard to make big decisions when you’re in a state of shock. Thankfully, you collected your thoughts and hired a lawyer. I also think that it was the best course of action at the time, because dealing with divorce can be overwhelming. And if not guided properly, you might end up losing all the things that are rightfully yours.

    Sandra Walker @ Eric Risk

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  3. Thanks Sandra. The sad part it that it takes a lot of money to hire an attorney. Many women that I have met just don't have the money and get stuck with nothing. Extremely sad.

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