Beware the Narcissist! The Narcissist and Triangulation-A Cruel Manipulative Game!

Beware The Narcissist!

The narcissist uses many tools to create havoc and achieve their goals, and one such tool is triangulation.  First off, what is the definition of Triangulation?

  Here is a definition I found on Healthline..

Triangulation happens when one or both of the people involved in the conflict try to pull a third person into the dynamic, often with the goal of deflecting some of the tension, creating another conflict to take the spotlight off the original issue, reinforcing their sense of rightness or superiority.

How Triangulation Benefits the Narcissist

• It's a tool used to make others take sides, their side.
• Helps them maintain control by manipulation.
• It can be a subtle or an overt way to tarnish someone else.  Many times this tool is used against an ex lover or spouse.
• It is an opportunity to devalue someone in a third parties eyes thus attempting to make themselves look better and achieve their goals.
• It is an attempt to drive a wedge into relationships.
• It is a way to divide and conquer and play people against one another.
• By attempting to damage others they attempt to protect their ego.
• It allows them to distract from the real issue or conflict.

Many times we triangulate and we don't even know we are doing it.  We do this in times of conflict as we lean on others for support.  When a narcissist uses triangulation they know what they are doing because it is done with an intent.

Possible Ways to Respond to Triangulation

• Recognize that triangulation is being used. 
• Remain calm and think it through. Educate yourself as to how it is used and how to respond.
• Try not to take the bait knowing they enjoy the chaos they are attempting to achieve.
• Respond calmly to the the third party as to what is happening. Clarify misunderstandings and move on.
• Set Boundaries to protect yourself.
• Avoid reacting emotionally.
• Seek therapy to help you understand the goals of the narcissist and how to protect yourself emotionally.

Anyone who is not aware can be the victim of triangulation.  It could be family, friends, coworkers, romantic partners and the list goes on.  It is whoever the narcissist views as one that can assist them in achieving their goals.  Triangulation can damage relationships, even family relationships.  

Remember that when you are a victim of triangulation in a family or friendship that the third party many times does not even know what is happening.  It is not their fault it is the fault of the narcissist.

God Bless You On Your Journey!

KathieyV