Here is an article from Huff Post by Mindy R. Smith. Ways for we newly single to approach The New Year. I hope you can find something to help you on your journey. My comments will be inred
"Ten Ways to Survive The New Year Post-Split"
By Mindy R Smith
It is that time of year when we all look forward to ringing in the New Year with the hope of a bright new future. However, for those of you who are newly single or who are going through a divorce, the thought of kissing someone at the stroke of midnight may send you running to hide in your closet.
(Probably won't be doing any kissing this year. But I am keeping all my options open:-)
There is never a good time to experience the end of a relationship or go through a divorce. Most people arrive at the end of a relationship only after a long emotional journey. Going through the New Year's celebration alone is difficult. This time of year is perhaps the worst time to be facing a break-up or divorce. Don't despair. Life will continue, and love will find its way to you again. In the meantime, surviving means re-evaluating your goals and expectations.
Here is a list of ten things you can do to get through the holiday. With a good attitude, levity, and lots of humor, you will make it through to new beginnings and a new year.
10. Adopt a pet from your local animal shelter. There is nothing like unconditional love to make you feel appreciated. Turn your negative feelings into something good by adopting a pet. Animals love you no matter how much you weigh or how bad you feel. It is nice to have a sweet animal greet you at the door when coming home to an otherwise empty home. You will also be possibly saving a life of an animal in need. Of course, please make sure you are well-informed and financially able to take care of your new furry (or scaly) friend. (I already have my furry friend…Brodie. I adopted him from a local shelter 5 years ago. He never takes his eyes off of me. I wonder what he is thinking? Probably how much he loves me:-)
9. Establish an exercise regimen. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Exercise gives you energy and empowerment over your body and spirit. Your new body will also make your ex pine with jealousy when he/she sees you next. Make a list of fitness goals and follow through with each goal. Reward yourself as you you meet and exceed each fitness milestone.(My exercise of choice is Zumba. What fun. I have been doing this twice a week since X left. I want to increase it to 3 or more times a week. Great workout! A good way to make new friends too:-)
8. Volunteer for your favorite charity. If you find yourself alone on New Year's Day, volunteer at your local Salvation Army, food bank, or homeless shelter. Giving your time to others in need will give you perspective and will certainly ensure that you will be doing something rewarding rather than wondering how your ex is spending the day.
7. Buy yourself a gift. You already bought that designer purse for your ungrateful niece or the Call of Duty game for your less-than-deserving nephew for Christmas, now its time to 'give the gift that keeps on giving' - you! Buy yourself a New Year's gift. (I did buy myself a gift. I joined a club called Silver Connections. I paid the dues and now I can join them for many fun events. From supper clubs to travel. I have already been to one holiday event and it was wonderful. Another great way to make new friends:-)
6. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a facial at the local spa. Invest in that cosmetic procedure you have been contemplating, but couldn't indulge in because you had to take care of everyone else in the family. (I think I will go get a pedicure:-)
5. For the newly single or divorced man, take a trip with your friends. You have wanted to escape the annual boring party for years. Take that sporting/adventure trip, go party in Vegas. This is your chance to do all those things you said you would do if you could just spend New Year's Eve the way you wanted. This is also your chance to rekindle that friendship with your best buddy with whom your ex would not allow you to spend time. (What do you mean this category is for men? I love to take trips with friends. This appeals to me too. I will be planning some type of adventure this year!)
4. If you have children, preserve your holiday traditions. If you still have children at home, maintain a sense of normalcy. Children thrive in stability so do your best to preserve the holiday traditions that you and your ex-spouse held dear while you were married. With each passing year, you will have the opportunity to establish your own traditions for celebrating the New Year. (X doing this to our family has definitely made the holidays more difficult. It is what it is. I am slowly trying to find new traditions.)
3. Do your own thing. Instead of attending the dreaded New Year's Eve party with all your friends who are blissfully in love only to face twenty questions about the reasons for your break-up or divorce, send a polite regret saying, "I'm ringing in the New Year with me and myself. See you all next year." (I will probably be home this year for new years. I will be working a lot this coming week. If nothing else I will enjoy a glass of wine and work on my blog. If something comes up I will go, but if not I can be content enjoying an evening with Brodie)
2. Toast yourself. The night before New Year's Eve, go to the local pub in your area and ask the bartender to serve you a pint of Guinness ™ in a chilled mug. Within half an hour you will hear tales of salaciousness, infidelity, divorce, loneliness, and other misfortunes you can't even imagine. You will realize there are people in worse situations than you. I can personally vouch for this one. (Cindy and I are hitting a local bar/restaurant this weekend. Maybe we will sit at the bar and mingle and listen out for stories. I think I will order wine instead of Guinness. If you recall that may be the reason for our break up…(Drinking Habits May Predict Likelihood of Divorce…)
1. Salute. With each sip of Macallan and each puff of your Cohiba Black Robusto, repeat after me..."that blankety-blank-blank did not deserve me." Drink responsibly, of course. (I don't know what Macallan or Cohiba are but I can sip on something and state my own comments on what X has done to our family. There are a lot of things that I could say and have said. But you know what? I choose not to focus on X this New Years Eve. He broke his vow, I didn't. He divided our family, I didn't. I choose to think on the good that still surrounds us even when things don't go the way the should. I want to Salute the thinks that deserve saluting. The good, faithful, and joyful things in life)
Happy New Year to all. Enjoy yourself and please don't drink and drive. Here's wishing you good cheer, and here's hoping your weary heart will mend and that true love will be yours this New Year. (Ditto. Very nice blessing and wish for all of us)
Missing your kids and feeling alone at Christmas? Try these 10 tips to lift your spirits.
6. Watch a movie that makes you feel uplifted. (There are several Christmas movies I love. The Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, Elf…)
7. Do something creative. Maybe a room in the house needs to be painted. You are alone, and no one said that you cannot decorate or fix up the house on Christmas Eve. Make it your own holiday, and do what takes your mind off your loneliness. (I will clean my study. It is filled with disorganization since I have had to take over all the household responsibilities. A learning curve for sure. Maybe getting a bit more organized will help:-)
8. Remember that divorce shatters both partners’ self esteem. This is not a good time to be looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Much wiser to call an old friend and ask them if they can listen for a while. (Not even close to looking for another relationship. Friendships are another story. I am finding that friends are what keep me going:-)
9. Write your story. The more people can write about their thoughts and feelings the quicker they can work through them and gain understanding. Who knows, you may be creating a best seller. (I am writing a book and blogging my story. It is therapeutic and my hope is that it will help others on this difficult journey)
10. Light a candle, turn on soft music and pray. You are a spiritual being having a human experience and this part of being a human is painful. (Very true. Knowing God walks beside us is a very powerful thing and I am thankful)
Most people are afraid of being alone. For many the fear keeps them trapped in brokenrelationships and broken families. If your marriage didn’t work out, and you do find yourself alone at Christmas, celebrate the fact that you aren’t trapped in a marriage that was broken. Look to tomorrow, believe in the lessons you learned today. You're going to be okay.
–Mary Jo Rapini
I hope that if you are in this difficult transition of divorce that you are able to find some joy this holiday season. Try doing some of the things that Mary suggested, I know I will.
What is your favorite Christmas Movie?
Remember God's Promise…."I will never leave you or forsake you":-)
Just what is the Fifth Amendment? I found one answer on Lawyers.com
"Under the Fifth Amendment to the US Constitution, anyone suspected of committing a crime has the right to remain silent when questioned by police or prosecutors. In other words, if truthful answers to their questions would prove you committed the crime, you don't have to answer them".
Well, this makes absolutely no sense to me. It allows people to hide the truth, but as my attorney said during the very long Deposition of "X". "…claiming the Fifth in a civil proceeding carries a negative inference to it".
None of this seemed to matter. The Fifth was claimed/spoken by "X" more then 40 times during the deposition. Should tell you something right there.
Although my family does not know the truth my friends do. One friend, Vanessa says "What's done in the darkness will eventually come into the light"
It was the day after Thanksgiving, this was the day I agreed to celebrate the Thanksgiving Holiday. Now, because of the choice of "X", the holidays have become more complicated. Thursday I stayed home and cleaned and prepped for the next days dinner. Got up on Friday, went to a two hour Zumba Event, came home and finished cooking for our 4pm meal. It was a very nice time. Steph, Erica, Josh and Caleb were all here along with Roxy and Brodie. After the meal we watched the movie Elf and put up and decorated the Christmas tree. (I think this will be my new tradition, movies and decorations:-) As we were going through the ornaments I came across the one above. I just turned to my daughter and said, "What am I suppose to do with this?" She just looked at me and said, "I don't know Mom." I was asking people at work what to do with it. The consensus was to throw it away, that it was just a lie. I thought about that for a while. I guess it was a lie. I recently learned, that even before this dramatic life event, that X was in a relationship. Very sad but true. It is what it is. So do I throw the ornament away? It is so cute. I guess I could just scratch out his name. I think this Christmas will be easier for me. Last year I was alone and sad and numb. This year I am stronger. I am actually looking forward to the festivities. Here is a quote from Steven Eversole a family law attorney. "Create new traditions. You may also want to forget some traditions because they remind you of your spouse. Even old decorations may bring back painful memories. During the holidays you should focus on the present and create new traditions to enjoy your new life. If you have the children, start new traditions, if you are on your own, consider visiting family or friends"
This past weekend was Thanksgiving. I had a wonderful time with family and friends. They say that holidays are the most difficult time for people going through death or divorce. I would agree. On Sunday I did not go to church. I slept in and then had a lazy day. I did listen to a podcast from a local church, CrossPointe. The message was on the book of Jonah from a series called "Can't see the Forest for the Trees". How I applied it to my life... In the early days of my transition, from my life as I knew, it I was bewildered, I felt completely lost in my new reality. I cried, I prayed, and was slowly sucked into deep depression. I wanted to give up, I had no idea what to do. I began to dwell on escape. How can I end this? How can I escape these painful emotions. I was giving up on God and on myself. I wanted to run away like Jonah did. I regret that now. I ask for forgiveness for that discretion. But that does not change my story. It happened.
Even if we are horribly wronged we need to work on forgiving those who caused us pain. It will not change them but it will allow us to move on with our lives. Forgiveness does not change the events and does not alter our story, which I will continue to tell. It is what it is. I believe the act of forgiveness will change our future into a brighter one. I am working on that.
"In my distress I called to the Lord and he answered me. From the depths of the grave