Saturday, October 25, 2014

My Story Page 11….The Spy Phone….

     I remember the day like it was yesterday.  The day I traveled to Raleigh to hire a Private Investigator.    I could not seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I was turning to a PI for help.  All I knew of PI's were Thomas Magnum, Columbo, Rockford Files, and Barnaby Jones.  Never in my wildest dreams could I imagined ever needing one myself.  But never in my wildest dreams would I have thought my husband of 37 years would turn his back on our marriage.  I had put all my faith and trust in him, I had put my future in his hands. A strange place to find yourself.  This can't be happening!  But it was happening….
     My attorney had suggested a well known PI in Raleigh.  I was scared of this entire process.  Scared of meeting the PI, scared of the amount of money it would cost, and scared of this new road I found myself on.  I set my GPS and headed out having no idea what I would encounter.  I remember thinking I was close to their location but I seemed to be driving in circles.  I called the office for directions.  I think the person I spoke with could hear the fear and confusion in my voice.  She said sternly but kindly, "Stop! Listen to me!"  Which I did, without question, because I was entering a world that was completely foreign to me. With her help I found my way to the office.
     The PI was on vacation so I met with his associate.  What a wonderful person she was.  She put me at ease right away.  She is the one I would correspond with throughout this process.  Right away we got down to business.  Many questions came my way.  Based on my answers she was pretty certain he was seeing someone.  (Which he was.  They actually found him romantically involved with 2 women, both working for the company where he now works.)  She told me they would be on this case right away and they would keep me updated.
     I was also given assignments.  Being overwhelmed already it was hard to process all I would need to do.  She said I needed to get my own phone, change my locks, and change my passwords on everything.
     After leaving the PI office I went to Target.  I picked up one of those throwaway phones.  The nice man at the desk spent at least 20 minutes helping me get it setup.  I was told by my attorney that I should not tell anyone with connections to X that I hired her or the PI.  Because of that my little throw away phone became lovingly know as my Spy Phone.  Only the attorney, the PI folks, and my friends Joanie and Melissa had the number.  Many friends knew about it, Amber, everyone at work, Dave, my neighbors, Cindy and others.
More to follow…..

“The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  
I will advise you and watch over you”
Psalm 32:8 NLT

Friday, October 10, 2014

My Story Page 10. My Attorney

     It is hard to decide what to do when you are in a state of shock.  That is where I found myself.  Barely able to make it through the day, paralyzed in my new reality.  Sinking deeper into a sadness and depression the likes of which I had never experienced.
     When you are in this state you can barely move let alone make the difficult decisions.  All these voices telling me "You have to get an attorney", "This is your life and you need help to make the right decisions", "It is money well spent".  During this phase I drug my feet.  I allowed my husband to continue to come to my home and continue to pay the bills out of my account.  I took my time in getting an attorney.  In hind sight that was a huge mistake.  If I was thinking more clearly I would have jumped on things right away, hired my people right away.  Instead I lived for several weeks in stunned silence.
     The day did come that I did hire my attorney.  Better late then never.  When I first met her I was not in the best shape.  I had lost weight, and was constantly on the verge of tears.  She read over the proposed agreement with me and easily saw this was written to help my soon to be X, not me.  So much hidden in the jargon.
     I was given assignments on my first day in contact with Joanne.  First I was to go to the bank and get him off my accounts.  She lead me to the outside of her office pointed to the bank and said "go now"!  Which I did without question.  I thank God for that advice!  Then she said "you need to hire a PI".  That took me by surprise.  A private investigator?  Me?  That was so far beyond my comprehension.  Reluctantly I took her advice.  I am so glad that I did.  I would have some to proof as to who this man really was.  His words, that he was not fooling around and not interested in dating, could now be shown for what they were.  An untruth.  In a very short period of time the PI found him with two women.  My PI's assistant was stunned that a former pastor would do such a thing.  I remember when she called to tell me there was more then one woman.  More to follow on that.  I have since learned of other indiscretions confirmed by old friends.  I always had a gut feeling but never would go there.  I was naive and believed that even though I was suspicious surely a man that was a minister would not cross that line.  His father had done the same thing to his mother, so why not me. Yes, I was Naive!

So what is happening today?  It is going on about a year and a half since this began.  I am meeting women nearly everyday in different yet similar situations.  Men just walking out.  Broken promises to God and to others.  Many women left in their later years not knowing how they will survive. Interesting that the bulk of the "men" could care less about the damage they have created.  The bulk of them believe they are the victims.  I am finding that to be typical. That is not for us to worry about though.  We have to move on.  Learn by our experiences and use those experiences to support others going through the same difficulties.  Giving our problems daily to God.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" 
Philippians 4:13

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Monday Morning Motivation, Hope! (sharing an old post from Dec 2013)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and 
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

While watching TV this week I heard several quotes that stood out to me which I could use in my life situation.  
This one I liked from Sleepy Hollow
"You see what you have now and you embrace what is in front of you"
Good advice Sleepy Hollow.  If you don't embrace what is in front of you, good or bad, your only other choice would be to give up. Although that can be an option, it is not the best option.

I really liked this one from Survivor
"Morality and ethical issues are going to bite you in the ass in the end."
Well said Survivor.  True?  I don't know.  Maybe not in this world. I do believe there are consequences to our actions.  That is kinda how I see the verse in the bible in relation to the sins of the father.  Our choices effect everyone.

My favorite TV quote this week, because it calls us to hope, is one from Once Upon a Time
"We had such plans.  This curse has destroyed every dream our family ever had……Life is full of twists and turns you never see coming.  This is just a turn.  The future we imagined is gone but that does not mean we couldn't find another one….an unexpected one.  I choose hope. 
Our lives will get better if we just hold unto hope"
My Scripture for the week is Jeremiah 29:19.  I will do my best to hang unto hope.
Happy Monday Everyone!
Enjoy Your World.