Friday, August 23, 2013

"I Will Rise" by Shawn McDonald

Have you ever gone through something that rocks your world?  Something that you just can't handle on your own?  That is what is happening to me now.  I find that getting out of bed in the morning is the most difficult part of my day.  Sometimes I just want to pull the blankets over my head and hide.  With the help of my faith and my friends I have been able to get up each morning and face the day. This morning I was listening to a song that I hope will be true in my life.  Here the lyrics that touched me this morning.....
"Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
And love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes, I will rise out of these ashes , rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise

Cause He , who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise, yes, He, who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be and I will rise"

Monday, August 19, 2013

A Day on the Lake with Amber. Trying new things...Paddle Boarding in the midsts of my pain....

I am so thankful for friends.  There are three things that have kept me grounded, probably saved me from myself and in essence probably saved my life, as I have endured this unexpected and unwanted storm in my life.  Those things are God, prayer and so many friends.  Friends I did not even know I had have stepped up and prayed for me and supported me.  My neighbors have become my friends. Because of God, friends, and prayers I am able to make it through the day.  Because of God, prayers, and my friends I am now strong enough to pray for them and others.  Just receiving a message of support on Facebook or on my phone, an e-mail or phone call mean so much.  I have gotten cards and gifts and hugs. These, literally, get me through the day and make me thankful. 
Nearly every invitation I receive I accept because I am trying to recapture joy in my life.  I had gotten an invitation from Amber to go paddle boarding and kayaking with her this past Monday.  I said yes!  What a wonderful day.....
The beautiful lake...

Amber gave me some instruction and I must admit I was a bit apprehensive but she is such a good teacher I was ready to give it a shot.  I spent some time on my knees...
 It was fun on my knees.  It felt level and secure, like I wish life was.  I was about ready to say "your turn Amber".  Something inside me said "no!".  "You are here now and you need to stand up."  It went through my mind that it is a bit like my life.  Unstable.  Hundreds of changes that I would like to run away from rather then "stand up" and face. I took a deep breath and stood up.  I heard Amber in the background saying "breath Kathy", kinda like God "I got your back Kathy".  I did it!  I was able to stand up and paddle around and it felt good. 
 Amber gave me the option of heading out on the lake but I decided I had stood up and had paddled a bit and now I was ready for the kayak.  She got the kayak all set up and I went off alone to explore the lake.  So peaceful.  The sun was shinning, and the sky deep blue with puffy white clouds. There were dragon flies (which Amber told me mean "new life"), and hundreds of butterflies.  I closed my eyes and  prayed.  I said the familiar scripture that I lean on The Lords Prayer and Psalm 23.  I thanked God for his beautiful creation.

I spend a lot of time enjoying the lake and the beauty that was all around me.  Then Amber and I came together.  We paddled and talked.  We shared.

Thank you for teaching me how to paddle board Amber.  But most of all thank you for sharing your time with me.  Thank you God for Friends:-)
Get out and try something new, even if you are in emotional pain as I am.  I suggest paddle boarding.  (I did learn it is easier for short people like me.  I am about 5'3".  
Finally something for we petite folks:-)
Enjoy Your World!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Forcing Myself Out....Falls Lake

Who would have thought after 37 years of marriage I would have found myself here, now separated and working my way into an unwanted and unnecessary divorce.  I guess it takes two.  I decided I would join a local divorce and separation support group with the hopes of both support and diversion.  I think I have found both in this group.  Nice people and a range of activities from camping, biking and running to days at the lake and many things in between.  Several weeks ago we went to a local church for a comedy show.  I was only about a month into this mess at the time, and in too much pain to really have fun, but it was nice to get out.
Last week I went with them to Falls Lake for a picnic.  I have lived here all these years and have never been.  It was lovely.
I spent some time sitting out on this dock by myself in thought and prayer.  My attempt at healing.

The lake was really nice.  Someone described the lake as finger lakes..

Sixty people came out for this event and they brought all kinds of food.  We had salads, several types of meats on the grill, desserts, watermelon.  It was a feast.  If you know me I love to try new recipes and just enjoy cooking in general.  I have done very little of this since my nightmare began.  It was an effort just to get out of bed on the day of the picnic.  I forced myself to get up, run by the little store down the street, and pick up a couple of large bottles of Coke.  This is not my norm.  I cook very little now and have very little in my fridge.  Hopefully I can come back to the enjoyment of cooking but not yet.  Lucky for the group there were many who brought some delicious food.
It was an overcast day and not many folks at the lake so we ended up with a nice shelter with a couple of charcoal grills...

Many highlights at the gathering today.  Very nice people, great location and food, and who would have guessed I would get to ride in a Model T.

I am very thankful for this group.  It is nice to meet folks in all stages of this process that are trying to grab all the enjoyment they can out of life even in a less than ideal situation.  It was a fun, light day with new friends.
If you are in the same boat as me I suggest you try to find a support type group.  I found this group through
Get out and explore.
Enjoy Your World

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Monday Morning Motivation...Give Thanks

I am reading a book that a very sweet and caring person gave me.  She knew I was going through a crisis in my life and so she gave me a book that she thought would give me comfort.  It is called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  It kinda reminds me, on a much grander scale, of the way I have always tried to live my life, seeking beauty in the midst of pain.  The chapter I read the other night was on giving thanks in all things through Communion, as Christ did before his death. 

Suddenly I had a strong urge to take Communion.  I don't know that I can thank God for this situation but I can give Him this situation.  I was hoping to take Communion at an area Methodist Church on Saturday but I was not able to attend.  So I thought to myself, that's OK,  I can take Communion next week.
Caleb spent the night with me last night.  He is a wonderful diversion from the pain.  We played, we ran, we spun in circles, we ate ice cream.  As I was putting him to bed he kissed me and told me he loved me and I did the same to him. 

Got up Sunday morning and went to church.  The pastor spoke of a Greek word "Iupeo" which means stressed, grieved, deeply distressed.  I guess I now fit in that category. I am in a horrible amount of emotional pain. This church is a large church,  I really don't know many folks, but I always come away with something to hold onto.  Today it was Communion.  They did not offer it in the service but as I was leaving I saw a door in the very back of the room that I had never noticed before, on it was written "Communion".  I hesitated and then decided maybe this was my gift for the day.  I went in.  There were two tables each with small candles, a small cross plus the wine and the bread.  There were several chairs and probably about ten people silently praying. It was a peaceful place. I did not stay very long but I took the bread and the wine and gave thanks to God.  Not so much for this mess that is thrust upon me but for His love.