At AUMC Saturday night the pastor spoke on faith and in that faith finding assurance. She spoke of trust and that in uncertainty all we have is our trust in God through faith. That when we feel rising anxiety (I feel it 24 hours a day) and when we feel desperation (which I do) that we need to remember that we are God's. That he never lets us go, even when we can't feel him.
At CrossPointe today the sermon was specifically on what I am going through. I learned that this, I will call it an unnecessary pain, impacts everyone. The Pastor described it as gut wrenching, and excruciating in its pain. I agree with these descriptions and I will add one of my own soul shattering. I was reminded that it leaves scars on every aspect of life and will have ripple affects that will affect everyone. For the pain this causes my family I am so sorry. I wish I could change this pain for myself, and for them. Since I am not in control I need to find the strength to give it to God....to trust him.
May your unfailing love be with us Lord,
even as we put our hope in you
Still trying to find beauty in the pain....