Saturday, July 23, 2016

Exploring a new TV Show "Grace and Frankie"

I find myself relating to this show in many ways.  I am nearly in my 60's and my husband of 37 years just decided to up and leave with no warning to me.  It was a bit like that for Grace and Frankie too.  I am going to watch the series and pull out quotes, situations and emotions that I can relate to.....Part 2

The Beginning
There is so much I can relate to in this first episode.  It may take me years to finish my post on this first one alone.  So the "men", who have been cheating on their wives, with each other for years, finally decide to be honest about the situation.  One of the wives asked how long it has been going on.  His answer was 20 years.  The reply was,  "don't you think you should have told us sooner?".  That is when Jane Fonda blasts her husband with an insult, which in reality would have been much stronger...."You Spineless Chicken!"
Yes I would agree with spineless chicken and could go further but I won't.  Mine was a spineless chicken also.  I believe he was going to walk out without telling me.  He had already secured an apartment.  The only reason I found out was a letter that was not suppose to come to our home did come to our home, from his attorney.  He had filed for legal separation without a word to me.  Spineless Chicken seems to fit.
I know of 2 families that were damaged because of my ex's decisions.  No, make that 3 if you include mine and you should.  I would be willing to bet there are more.  Yes spineless chicken is appropriate.
The Journey
When I think back over my 37 year marriage there is a lot I would have done differently.  The first and most important was to listen to my gut.  Over the many years I would hear an inner voice saying "something is not right".  I would always second guess myself and say "no, that can't be.  He is a pastor "called" of God, he would never cross those lines."  Yes I should have listened to my gut.
I do now.  Maybe a bit late but better late then never.
The Joy
Moving on from the lies.
Spending time at the pool with my grandson:-)
If you are going through a separation and pending divorce just hang on.  Lean on your faith and your friends.  You are stronger then you think.  And believe me, you are not alone.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Exploring a new TV Show "Grace and Frankie" I Wish You Joy

I find myself relating to the TV show Grace and Frankie.  I am nearly in my 60's and my husband of 37 years just up and left.  There was no warning to me that this was his intention until he had already consulted with an attorney and was planning his escape. It was a bit like that for Grace and Frankie too.  I am going to watch the series and pull out quotes, situations, and emotions to which I can identify.  Here is a description of the show that I found online....

"Two married women in their 60's are shocked when they find out that their husbands are leaving them, but even more shocked out to find the reason why; they are gay and in love with each other! Now Grace and Frankie have to figure out how to deal with their lives now and how to move on in this original comedy series from Netflix."
The Beginning
These two "men" had been cheating on their wives, with each other for over 20 years.  Of course, they could rationalize this by making excuses that they were never happy and neither was the now shocked wife.  They would say things like "change is a good thing" in an attempt to sugarcoat their actions.
There is mention of the hidden lives of the male characters in this show.  I can relate.  I have had conversations with the spouses of two women that were seeing my husband.  They, like me,  had no idea what was going on, what was hidden.  One of the men said to me that on one particular day that "the scales fell from my eyes and I knew." Extremely sad.  Not a proud legacy to leave behind.

"Ever notice how Christians quoting these words from Jesus have no problem “casting stones” at faithful spouses? Pointing out their alleged spousal failures.

The double-standard of avoiding talking about the cheater’s sins and failures while going into lengthy explorations of the faithful spouse’s “contributions” to the marriage’s demise happens all too often in Christian circles. It is absolutely insane!"...Divorce Minister

I  agree with what the Divorce Minister has to say.  The blame tends to be displaced.  I have spoken to many women going through a divorce who are the subjects of the blame when they are the innocent party.  Most of these men make excuses and take no responsibility. 

The Journey

In the early stages of my trauma, all I could do was give it to God.   Through prayer, music, and scripture I was able to find the strength to get through the fog of each day.  When you know, there is nothing you can do about a situation you have to give all aspects of it to God.  He will equip you the courage and strength to endure until you come out of the darkness of the event.  And you will:-)
The Joy
I am 3 years out from the initial shock, and in the beginning, I thought I would never find joy again, and I nearly gave up.  If you just hold on you can and will find joy.  It takes time and determination and faith and friends, but you can do it!
Initially, I lost all connections to the things I used to love. I was so damaged, but over time I started to read again, to enjoy photography, and to cook again.  I was beginning to heal.
This week joy has come in many forms.  Going out with friends, sleepovers and swimming with my Grandson, and seeing my daughters. 

Wishing you joy!
(Full disclosure.  This post is a past post.  When I wrote this post, I was three years removed from the initial pain.  It is now about 4.5 years since this began.  Am I completely healed?  No, there was damage to my heart my mind and my entire being, but I am improving every day.  Don't get me wrong, at this point, I would not change the outcome.  I was living with a man that I thought I knew but did not.  I am much better off).