Friday, April 24, 2015

Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark

You know me.  I am always searching for sites for women going through the devastation of divorce.  I found a site called "Run Away Husbands" If you are going through this trauma in your life I suggest you check it out.  Nikki Stark has written a book called "Runaway Husbands".
I bought the book and I am in the process of reading it.  I may have already read it but in my state in the beginning of this process, many times I was just going through the motions in spite of my pain.
Below is a quote from her site, to which I can relate....

"The reason that Wife Abandonment Syndrome is so 
traumatic is that the change in the husband's behavior is dramatic, 
sudden and unexplained.

In order to justify his decision not to include his wife in the process that led to the end of the marriage, he needs to come up with a compelling explanation for his actions. That explanation often has little to do with reality, causing the bewildered wife, who had previously trusted her husband's word, to wrack her brains trying to make sense out of something that is inherently nonsensical.
The type of man who abandons often appears to be unusually moral and trustworthy, making it even harder for the wife to accept that his words are empty justifications. The most important first step in healing for a woman in this situation is the realization that her husband is not the man she thought she knew and that he never was."

All so true and extremely sad.
Check out her site and her book if you too have been abandoned.  
I am finding it to be relative, informative and helpful.
God Bless You
Remember Gods Promise
"I will never leave you or forsake you"

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Lord is My Shepherd I Shall Not Want.....Broken

I am a member of various websites for people going through divorce.  The stories are heartbreaking but real and not to be ignored.  It still amazes me that someone can intentionally do this extent of harm to someone without regret.  Says a lot about their character. 

One woman,  married nearly 30 years when her husband walked out, says "I can't get through mass without crying.  I am really trying to find some answers but don't seem to find any....Just Broken"
I woke up at 3am with this poem type response.  I think I will send it to her....

I am broken Lord, I don't know what to do.
The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.

I think my life is over.  Do I even have a future?
The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.

So many decisions to make.  I don't know where to start.
He leads me beside the still waters.

I have no direction.  I want to give up to just run away.
He leads me beside the still waters.

I feel the gentle breeze of spring on my face.  I smell the flowers.
He restores my soul.

I read of God's love for me in his word.
He restores my soul:-)

Happy Monday Everyone!

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Video Podcast #2 My Story My Divorce....Based on a Guest Post

What a week.  I had to pay thousands of dollars to my least favorite uncle...Uncle Sam.  He is not a nice uncle.  My home was broken into by bad guys..large brick through my window, my dog terrorized, belongings stolen, and house left in a shambles.  I was exhausted when I recorded this, I still am.  But you know what?  The podcasts must go on....rain or shine!  So here I go.  I decided to do one take....I'm just keeping it real:-)
Joe on phone.  24X zoom on the Nikon P510
Lots of beautiful cats.  I could live with one or two but 550 is another story.
Damage done by the bad guys.
 The Brick
Remember that in everything God walks beside us.  When we have to payout money to our evil uncle, when bad guys break into our home, when we are thrown away by those who promised to love us.  In all of the good and the bad God is always there.  Remember he promised that he would never leave us or forsake us.
God Bless!

Saturday, April 11, 2015

My Story My Divorce Video Podcast….My first attempt:-)

I thought I would try something new, video podcasting. Is that one word or two?  I don't know, I am completely new at this.  When I went to the Pub Sense Summit a few weeks ago they said podcasting, (one word, I looked it up:-), is a way to get your product out there.  In my case my book and my blog.
So I sat in my living room with only the existing lights. I used my Nikon P510, and literally placed it on the tripod because I could not figure out how to truly attach it to the tripod.  You can hear Brodie and Roxy squeaking their toys in the background.  I learned, yet again, that I have a lot to learn.  Hopefully with time, research and an investment in the needed equipment, I can produce an adequate podcast.  
Here goes… can laugh at my first attempt all you would like.  I will laugh with you. 

….Roxy and Brodie, the extras in the movie….
….Movie Beverage….

I enjoyed the wine too!

Remember God's Promise
"I will never leave you or forsake you"

Friday, April 10, 2015

Guest Posts, Reasons for Divorce, (with my thoughts in red) As Found on the Web….

"Divorce was not meant to be a part of the Christian life (Matthew 19:8, 9).  Many today are divorcing their spouse for reasons other then infidelity and that is wrong.  Plain and simple, God hates divorce!  I believe it is the number one cancer in America today."

Terry Malone 
I personally believe there are reasons for divorce though.  Such infidelity, immorality, and abuse.

The Moment I Knew: Readers Share Their Divorce Stories 
From Huff Post
Was there a moment you knew your marriage was over? The split-second you saw the writing on the wall--even if you didn't acknowledge as much until later?
"when he spent our daughters entire birthday party on his phone and my father said to me "ditch this guy" (I can relate to that a bit.  We were on a family vacation that I had dreamt about for years.  Joe spent hours on his phone.  Said he was on work related calls.) 
(That was in April.  I got blindsided in early June that he was planning to leave me)

"When he made me feel crazy for being unhappy with his inappropriate friendship with another woman at work" (This happened to me too.  I would find out later, from someone closely involved,  that what I had suspected was in fact true )

More Crazy Reasons People Divorced  From Huff Post….

1. He didn't like the movie "Frozen." 
2. She was possessed by a genie.
7. She adopted 550 cats.112666020
One man divorced his wife after she brought over 550 cats into their home, according to the Times of Israel. He told court officials that he was unable to sleep on his bed, which was covered in cats, and unable to eat a meal because cats jumped on the table and stole his food. The couple attempted to reconcile but divorced after the woman refused to give up her pets. (This is a tough one.  I know I could not live with 550 cats.  She needed counseling.  She could do what my daughter wanted to do when she was younger.  Build a pet center in a building in the back yard.  She could even put a bed out there to sleep with her cats when ever she wanted:-)
Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Girl gives boy a kidney. Boy leaves girl and -- surprise, surprise -- girl wants kidney back.That's the story one U.K. woman recently shared with newspaper the Sunday People, explaining how she donated the vital organ to her dying husband, only to have him leave her once he recovered. 

Worst Reasons to Get Divorced by Cathy Meyer

 **He No Longer Makes me Happy**

Ladies/Men, it isn’t your husband’s job to make you happy. That is your responsibility entirely….

**You're Bored With The Marriage**

Boredom is not reason to divorce. It is a great reason to kick things up a notch, to find fun and interesting things to do together. 

**You've Grown Apart**

This is a normal occurrence in most marriages. With life and all that comes along with living daily life I would be surprised if most couples didn’t feel they had grown apart or felt detached from each other.
There is a simple solution for this problem, find more time for each other. 

From Psychology Today by Thomas Plante

Is the "Mid-Life Crisis" an Excuse for Men Behaving Badly?

Could narcissism and poor impulse control be behind the "mid-life crisis?

"While there really are never simple answers to human behavior and complex individual differences are so often the norm rather than the exception, typically this mid-life behavior is a byproduct of Narcissistic tendencies (i.e., "It's about what I want and my needs") along with poor impulse control. Successful men in particular with many resources may feel that they are entitled to more in life that includes a variety of narcissistic fantasies and impulses. Rather than blaming their behavior on character and behavioral flaws in themselves it may be easier to attribute their behavior to a mid-life crisis as if it was some caught disease.
So, don't blame men behaving badly on the mid-life crisis. Consider blaming the behavior on the person engaged in the behavior. While they may feel entitled to fulfilling fantasies and desires with little regard to others they do so with consequences including the best interests of their spouses, children, and maybe even themselves too.
"Sometimes doing the right thing means putting on your man pants, taking responsibility, and controling impulses and desires that are destructive and harmful to those you have committed your life to. "
Thomas Plante
Amen to that Thomas!

Saturday, April 4, 2015

My Story My Divorce….The 1st Separation Agreement...

I remember the day my husband of 37 years handed me the separation agreement that he and his attorney had produced for me to sign.  At that time I was still trying to trust him,  hoping that he had my best interest at heart.  Foolish? Yes!  Naive? Yes!  Stupid?  Yes!  Yes!

If I heard it once I heard it a thousand times from friends,  co-workers, and from folks who have been through it…."Don't sign anything without an attorney."  Even in my state of confusion and pain I did listen.  If I could go back I would have hired an attorney right away.  I was rather slow in this process but I did, finally, hire a good attorney.  

I remember the first thing she did was read through the agreement.  She shook her head.  She could see things written between the lines that I couldn't  begin to see.  She could see he did not have my best interest at heart, and she questioned the third party protection found in the document.  

One of the first lines that I highlighted in the document was "Whereas, as a result of certain irreconcilable differences and disagreements, husband and wife separated…"  Interesting, I was not aware of any.  (Although, upon discovery I am aware of many now.) Yes we had the normal problems of marriage but I never would have guessed he would have chosen this for our family.

I have to take this sentence out of a very long run on sentence.  I think they write it like that to confuse you, so you don't see the innuendo hidden within.  "…The husband and wife shall at all time hereafter live separate and apart…..for all intents and purposes as if they had never been married."
How can you even begin to do that?  Married for 37 years, two children, a grandchild.  How can you live as though you have never been married?   How can you take 37 years out of your life as though it never happened?  I don't believe you can.  I only believe you can learn from it.  I believe you have to forgive so you can move on.  But, you don't forget.

So, if you, like I, have been discarded, thrown away as though nothing.  Please remember that is not how God feels about you.  He loves you, & me, beyond anything we can comprehend.  He promised us and His promises are true…."I will never leave you or forsake you"

God Bless You!