Saturday, June 28, 2014

My Story Continued……Page 3..." A Single Lie Can Make All Your Truths Questionable"

Not sure where to start with my story.  I am still learning of events that I was completely unaware of.  Many things had happened in the church he pastored. I have apologized to many folks on my soon to be X's behalf.  Lets continue from the beautiful anniversary in the mountains.
In the months that followed there was a palpable change in our relationship.  I can't tell you for sure when it occurred but it did not go unnoticed.  Suddenly X was rarely home.  Work kept him away, business trips took up much of his time away from home.  Many, many trips to Minnesota, I believed, at the time it was for work.  I don't think that was the only reason he enjoyed Minnesota….more to follow on that.
Many days I would not even see him.  He would come home only to sleep.  When he was home he stayed on his computer, that I bought him, or would lay on the couch and watch TV, that I bought him.  When I was ready to go to bed I would come to him to say good night.  Sometimes I would get a peck on the lips and then he would go right back to the computer.  Other times I may get a kiss on the forehead and then he would go right back to staring at the TV.  I remember one night standing outside his door wanting to go in and just be held.  My gut told me not to.  In my heart I realized something was just not right.
I asked him on several occasions if he was having an affair.  His answer was typically.  "No.  I am just really busy at work.  Do you want to see my work schedule?  I love you baby I am just tired"  I tried to believe it but deep down I know there was something hidden.  It was not an honest answer.
At one point between Oct and May my soon to be X told me he was going on a weekend business trip, a trip to Fla.  At that time he had two bosses in the same company, different locations.  He told me that his boss from Durham was sending him for some type of training.  He told me his other boss did not need to know he was going to training and that he had told him he was going to meet some buddies in Fla.  It just so happened that "the other boss" attended the church we were attending.  X told me I was to tell his boss that he was with friends in Fla. if he were to ask me on Sunday.  I said "I am not going to lie for you".  I said, "if you are doing all this lying at work how am I to know you are not lying to me".  His reply was "I would never lie to you baby. People lie at work all the time".  This did not sit well with me.  I would later find out the truth behind his lie when he was questioned in court.  More to follow on that…..

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
Psalm 34:18
My story….to be continued….

Saturday, June 21, 2014

My Story….continued….Page 2

Those of you who are my friends, those of you who know me, know my story.  Those of you who follow this blog will soon know my story.  For those of you who wonder how I made it through the first several months of the nightmare, that blindsided me, I am writing a book on the early days.  A book of grief, depression, survival, and emotional turmoil.  A book of faith.  This book is an example of the feelings of one who has been thrown away, as if worthless. I hope to have it published by the end of Aug 2014.
I sent my attorney an email this week.  I asked her if any of the compiled evidence acquired over several months of discovery is protected.  I asked if I could write the true story.  I asked if I could use names.  Can I share what was said in court?  Can I share what was found by digital forensics and private investigators?  Can I share bank statements, phone records, and credit card statements.   Can I share the statements shared in the Deposition of my soon to be "X".   Can I share the detail of the questions and the amount of times I heard the all to familiar "I plead the fifth".   I am still waiting to hear from her but in the interim lets return to a better time….Lets go back to fall of 2012.  This was our 36th wedding anniversary.  We went to Waynesville NC to celebrate and it was wonderful.
Our wedding anniversary is in Aug.  We would typically wait to celebrate in the cool of the fall when we could enjoy the beauty of the mountains.  Off we went to Oak Park Inn.  Room 35.

A lot happened in room 35.  "I love you" was spoken many times.  Love was made many times.  We spoke of our plans for the future.  The focus being on our family.  We talked of continuing to fix up our home so we could have family celebrations.  We talked of taking family vacations.  Life was finally going to be a bit easier and it was now time to focus on retirement and the blessings of family.  Little did I know all of the ugliness that would transpire in the next few months.  Little did I know that I would experience the awfulness of depression and despair.  Little did I know that I was soon to be thrown away and our family divided.
Ok, back to better times…
We walked the streets of downtown Waynesville. We went to a craft fair...

We went to see the Elk…

We went hiking…

We visited several restaurants.

 I remember this wine bar well.  It was in a basement on a side street in Waynesville.  We ordered wine and a cheese tray.  We sipped our wine, enjoyed the band and the food.  Held hands under the table.  It was a perfect evening.
So here I am nearly 2 years later.  I am on a completely different path then I ever could have imagined.  One that was chosen for me.  One I had no say in.  I am finding there are many people on my path.  I am learning that there are people on different paths with different pain.  I am also learning how much I need God's presence in my life.  I am learning that my faith is the one constant and I am thankful for it.
 My story……to be continued...

Monday, June 16, 2014

Monday Morning Motivation, Words of Wisdom on my Divorce Blog

We all have scars of some type or another.  We all have a story. I am finding not everyone wants to hear our stories.  Not everyone wants to know the truth even if you have reams of evidence. But that is ok.  God knows the truth and will deal with it in his time. 
For me the healing, and it is a process, comes from my faith and my friends.  Another good but difficult week.  Today for my motivation I turned to a book by Sarah Young…"Dear Jesus"
Here are some quotes and scripture from her book…
"Dear Jesus I'm grateful for your perfect understanding, since I sometimes feel misunderstood or simply overlooked.  Help me experience more fully Your compassionate unfailing love"
"Cease striving and know that I am God"
"Remember that the world you inhabit is fallen and you are part of that brokenness"
"Come to me all your who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest"
Matthew 11:28
Happy Monday Everyone!
Enjoy Your World
If you are going through any type of difficulty please turn to you faith and your friends.  
Remember you are not alone.

Friday, June 13, 2014

My Story….Page 1

I have decided I am going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God.  I am going to tell it in segments here on my divorce recovery blog.  I have been silent way too long.  For today I am just going to share a photo and some scripture….
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans 
for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope".
Jeremiah 29:11
My story to follow…..
Keep giving all your cares and concerns to God for he cares for you!

Monday, June 9, 2014

Monday Morning Motivation…"Fearless"

Monday Morning Motivation…"Fearless"

I am reading a book by Max Lucado, "Fearless".
In his book Max reminds us that God tells us not to fear.  How can we not fear!?   In John 16:33 we are told "In the world you "will" have tribulation"?  How can we not fear in the face of illness, death, and uncertainty?  How can we not fear when confronted with pain, confusion, hurt, and even despair?  How can we not fear when slapped in the face with unwanted circumstances beyond our control such as abandonment and divorce?
Max tells us in chapter 1 that there are over 125 times in the Gospels that we are instructed not to fear.
He also said the one command that Jesus gave more then any other was for us not to be afraid.
"Take courage, I am here"
Matt. 14:27
"Don't let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, and trust also in me…."
John 14:1
When my "X" decided  I was not worth his trouble anymore and he had better things in store for himself.  I was blindsided, hurt, confused, afraid, unsettled, disillusioned.  I entered the pit of despair and I let fear overtake me.  In my fear I had many questions…
How will this effect our family? Will I get to keep my home?  Will I have health insurance?  Will I have enough to live on?  Will I have enough money to ever retire?  What is going to happen tomorrow?  What is going to happen 10 years from now?  The list of fearful questions went on day after day.  Many of these questions unanswered even today, a year after it all began. In the beginning I went into a deep depression with suicidal thoughts being my emotional escape from the pain.  Even through all the new and awful emotions in my life I kept turning to God for help and direction.  I relied on God's promises to get me through just one hour, sometimes just one minute. 
I am doing slightly better now in the fear category. There are still many questions and a ton of uncertainties.  I still have fears/concerns.  I am learning to keep giving them to God and in that find a bit of calm in the storm.
"Don't be afraid," he said.  "Take courage.  I am here"
Matthew 14:27
Happy Monday Everyone!
Enjoy Your World:-)
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