Solo Dating The Art of Taking Yourself Out (And Loving Every Minute of It)

 

Solo Dating

The Art of Taking Yourself Out

(And Loving Every Minute of It)

Let me ask you something. When did you last do something just for you? Not for your kids, not for work, not because someone invited you. Just because you wanted to.

If you had to think about that for more than a few seconds, this post is for you.

Since my divorce, I have had to relearn something that nobody really teaches us: how to enjoy my own company. And I want to be honest with you, it felt awkward at first. Going to dinner alone was one thing (and yes, I have written about that too, check out my post on solo dining if you missed it). But the idea of going to a concert, a museum, or even a movie by myself felt like announcing to the world that I had no one to go with. Spoiler alert: that feeling fades. And what replaces it is something pretty wonderful.

First, Let's Change the Way We Think About This

Going out alone does not mean you are lonely. It means you are living.

There is a real difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be surrounded by people and feel completely isolated. And you can sit in a beautiful restaurant, sipping a glass of wine, watching the world go by, and feel completely at peace. I know because I have done both.

Solo dating is simply the practice of treating yourself the way you would treat someone you love. You plan something. You show up. You enjoy it fully, on your own terms, at your own pace.

No compromises. No waiting for someone else to be available. No adjusting your plans to fit another person's mood. Just yours.

For so many of us who find ourselves single, especially after a long relationship or marriage, this idea feels almost foreign. We were so used to doing things as a pair that doing them alone feels like something is missing. But here is a little mindset shift that helped me: you are not missing someone. You are discovering yourself.

What Does "Solo Dating" Actually Look Like?

Here is the fun part. A solo date can be anything you genuinely enjoy or have always wanted to try. There are no rules here. You are the planner, the guest of honor, and the one who decides when the evening is over.

Here are some ideas to get you started, from low-key to full-on adventure:

The Cozy Solo Date

• A solo coffee date at a cafe you love, with a good book and no agenda
• A movie you have been wanting to see (and yes, you get the whole armrest)
• A solo trip to a farmers market, a bookstore, or an antique shop
• A spa afternoon, a manicure, a massage. Sit back, breathe, and just be

Getting Out There

• Visit a museum or art gallery and take your time. No rushing because someone else is bored
• Go to a live music event or a local concert
• Catch a play, a comedy show, or an open mic night
• Sign up for a class: cooking, pottery, painting, floral arranging. These tend to be wonderfully social even when you go alone

The Day Trip Solo Date

• Drive to a nearby town you have never explored
• Visit a botanical garden, a state park, or a scenic overlook with a packed lunch
• Find a local winery or brewery for an afternoon of tasting and people watching
• Book a spa day or a night away at a cute bed and breakfast. Just you, a cozy room, and a good book

Tips for Making It Feel Natural (And Even Fun)

Dress the part. When you show up feeling good about how you look, your whole energy shifts. Wear something that makes you feel like yourself, the best version of yourself.

Have a plan but stay open. Know where you are going and what you want to do, but leave room to linger, wander, or change your mind entirely. That is one of the great luxuries of going alone.

Start somewhere comfortable. If you are new to this, do not feel like you need to jump straight into a solo concert on a Saturday night. Start with a solo coffee. A solo lunch. A short outing somewhere you already feel at ease. Build your confidence from there and work your way up.

Give yourself permission to enjoy it. This sounds obvious but it is not. A lot of us feel guilty enjoying things alone, like we should be waiting for a companion. Release that. You are allowed to enjoy your life right now, exactly as it is.

Put your phone down for a little while. It is so tempting to scroll when you feel visible and alone. But some of the best moments happen when you look up. The conversation with the woman next to you at the bar. The painting that stops you cold. The sunset you almost missed.

Take photos for yourself. Not just for social media. Take them because you want to remember where you were and how it felt. These solo adventures become some of your favorite memories. I promise.

A Little Honesty

There are days when going out alone feels completely natural and even exciting. And there are days when it feels heavy. Both are okay. You do not have to love every solo outing. You just have to keep going. What I have learned is that the more I do it, the less I think about it. It stops being "going out alone" and starts being "going out." It becomes just... life. Your life. And it is a pretty good one.

 

Start Small, But Start

You do not need a big trip or a grand plan to begin dating yourself. Start this week with something small. A coffee. A walk somewhere beautiful. A movie you have been meaning to see. One little thing, just for you. Because here is what I know for sure: the world is full of wonderful things to experience, and not a single one of them requires you to wait for someone else to enjoy them. You are enough. You are good company. And you deserve a great night out, even if you are the only one on the guest list.

Treat yourself. You have earned it.

KathieyV

 

This is Part 1 of the Solo Living Series. Next up: Finding Your People, how to connect with groups and communities that make solo living even richer. Stay tuned!