Friday, November 6, 2015

Thoughts from "The Boston Girl" Becoming my own person

"How did I get to be the woman I am today?"  It started in that library, in the reading club.  
That is where I started to be my own person.
The Boston Girl



As I was reading "The Boston Girl" I came across the quote above.  I started to think about what made me the woman I am today.  Oh, so many things.

My childhood.  I loved my parents and realize they loved me too.  Probably more than anyone else ever has or ever will love me.  Yes, they had problems and I am sure those problems affected me and my choices.  In all of their problems and life choices, I think they did the best they could and would have always wanted the best for me. They would have never intentionally hurt me.

My Man. (or as a new friend calls him The Guy, who had an affair with his wife) My decision to marry a man that was full of promises.  He was going to rescue me from my home situation.  I remember standing in a field, the property he said his Dad was going to give him.  We would build a home there and he would be a pastor and seek to help others. I was crying and he said that he would always love me and care for me and never make me cry. Yes, I believed his empty promises and I did marry him. I stand here today after 37 years of marriage an abandoned middle-aged woman. This person has made me cry more than anyone else in my lifetime.

My Faith.  My faith is my rock. It gets me through everything,  the good the bad and the ugly.  You notice I did not say my church.  I don't have one.  I served in the church where my husband was the pastor for nearly 20 years.  I spoke to a man whose wife, he said,  had an affair with my X nearly the entire time X pastored there.  Betrayed by the pastor, my husband, and my friend. I have, like many, been damaged by the church, not by God, there is a difference.  Again you notice I did not say the church.  God is my rock, my protector, my strength and my hope.
(I would love to be part of a church again.  I know this is a need but I think I am still in recovery)

I guess I would say these 3 things have had the greatest influence on my life.  I hold on tight to God in this sometimes scary adventure we call life.  I continue to find myself in spite of the negative elements and because of the positive.  I have new hopes and dreams and I am beginning to redefine my life.  Thank you to my God and my friends for helping me along this path.

So how did I get to be the woman I am today?  
When did I begin to become my own person?
It started in a field in Delaware and has become so much more. 
Happy Reading
KathieyV:-)

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